The Word of My Testimony

Oh Happy Day , When Jesus Washed My Sins Away , Oh Happy Day

2010-06-12T04:37:00.001-07:00

Do you remember that day ? I mean the day that you "realized" that Jesus had washed your sins away.

I think that day is the day the "Joy of my Salvation" began. My quest has been to rejoice in the LORD alway , making it imperative that I remember that "day."

Actually for me I had several of "that day." I grew up believing that I had done something so horribly bad that no one would forgive me. The reason for this action ( I believed) was that I had a reprobate mind.

When God first revealed to me that I had believed a lie and that He would forgive me , I had a "happy day" for a few minutes. Peoples opinion was louder than God's and once again I became convinced that , I had done something so horribly bad , that no one would forgive me.

This light on , then light off , happened over and over in my life.
A friend came back into my life recently and she remembered me when , "the light was on".
She remembered how happy I was even though I had dire , dire circumstances. So it has kick started my memories.

I remember my "happy day" now. I remember how the Holy Spirit brought to my thoughts "who soever will may come." My thought was , "but what about the reprobate?" What made the light come on was this thought , " that a reprobate would not even want to come to God. "

That light lasted quite a while but it became dimmed once again by man's opinion. I have come to think of all of those times when "man's opinion" took charge of my emotions as trips to Doubting Castle, as in Pilgrim's Progress written by John Bunyan.

Once again I am leaving Doubting Castle, this time to believe that I can rejoice in the LORD alway and again I say, Rejoice. This time I have determined in my heart not to listen to opinions of others. Also I want to be a friend to others who have had a really rough time of it.

Better than giving them promises from God's word would be my belief in their "happy day."

That there actually was a day, that Jesus washed their sins away.

What Is The Coolest Thing God Has Done For You Today?

2010-06-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

This was the question Francis Chan suggested his congregation ask each other. He was teaching on joy and pointed out that we are actually given this command in the Bible , "Rejoice, in the LORD alway. And again I say , rejoice." Phil 4:4

So many times when I give a word of testimony I share what I have to rejoice in. When I feel that the Holy Spirit has given me a scripture that I am to apply my life to, I rejoice in the moment . There is joy in the Holy Ghost . But so many times while I am so busy trying to live my life in light of this Word , that joy fades.

What is it that happens exactly ?

I begin to worry that I am not going to " pull it off " . You know , I begin to think , " wow, this is so important , I really need to do this, maybe I won't do this, and then , oh, look here I am not doing it. " Before I know it , I have no joy. I have no sense of God's power being with me.

Living my life expecting the Holy Spirit to enlighten my path with the word of God is a very joyful existence. Letting how well I am doing at walking in that light to be my plumb line for joy , explains exactly why my joy fades in and out.

In while the Holy Spirit brings me the word out while I try to walk in it.

Ah , but can I lose my joy if I "Rejoice in the LORD, alway. And again I say, rejoice ?"

Here is the catch. It will have to be the only thing I do. I can not be divided and say, "Well, if I seem to be walking in the word good, I will have joy in that. " No , you see that would not be rejoicing in the LORD.

I will have to determine to rejoice in the LORD , always. In the LORD .

Would you like to know about some really cool things God has done for me lately ?

My daughter has been given a promotion at work. Instead of having an unpredictable time schedule each week she will have the same eight hour shift each week and after a year a paid vacation.

A cool thing for me was when I realised that this ominous burden I put myself under to be able to love unlovable people would no longer need to be my problem. I have given that problem to God and I now trust that He will produce His love in me . So you 20 people out there that I have been praying for , my hope is that the love I have asked God to put in me for you will be evident the next time I see you.

Another cool thing God did for me and my daughter. Last night I was just kind of out of it. Not thinking I left a package of chocolate chip cookies on the table and when I came home I found that my daughter's Spaniel had eaten them all. When we looked on the Internet to see just how bad chocolate is for dogs it did not look good. We prayed and asked God to spare her the ill effects that chocolate usually have on dogs. She never did get sick. She is alive and well today. I think it is a cool thing that God did for us.

These cool things that He did I hope you find interesting. These events are not what I am rejoicing in though.

My word of testimony today is : Phil 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord alway: [and] again I say, Rejoice.

Grace

2010-06-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

How far ? How intimate ? How deep do I want to go with Jesus today ?

If only I would stay within the realm of " Grace Received ".

Grace like forgiveness is limitless . My ability to receive grace places for me boundaries. Now these borders can be enlarged but the attempt to do so must be guided by the Holy Spirit.

When someone councils me that "this is what Jesus would do, " the ability to do so can come no other way than but the grace of God.

I have found the council much more helpful if the individual has in fact received this grace to do as he/she suggests. Somehow hope , or maybe it is faith , perhaps it is love , floats over to me when a person who has received grace shares his/her testimony.

Grace received , reveals power being perfected in a weakness.

Lately I have found many things to not be thankful for. However, I would correct myself. " Be thankful for all things ", I would remind myself. As if I could prod myself on to do what is right without grace.

A new day and a fresh start , walking in "Grace Received " I purpose first of all to refresh my memory of the grace received to even want to be thankful for all things. My gift of grace to be glad for all things probably began when I would quote Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Knowing all things work together for good helps promote thoughts that promotes thankfulness. This has come from a grace given to me when I had a huge weakness of murmuring and complaining . The mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ is so rich that He will continue to grant me this grace even now. I know from experience that He will perfect His power within my weakness and I will be able to thank Him for all things , once again.

It is kind of like muscle building. When a person starts lifting weights they do not start with the 100 lb. on the bar. They start with what they can lift easily at first and then gradually put more weight on.

Because of my circumstances I see that I need to graduate up to a higher weight level. However , if I forget how I ever managed to lift the weights I have already , there will be no way that I increase my ability to be thankful for even more dire circumstances.

I praise God for the grace to desire to be thankful for all things.

Entering His Sanctuary

2010-05-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

2 Chron 30:8 Now be ye not stiffnecked, as your fathers [were, but] yield yourselves unto the LORD, and enter into his sanctuary, which he hath sanctified for ever: and serve the LORD your God, that the fierceness of his wrath may turn away from you.

Eze 44:9 Thus saith the Lord GOD; No stranger, uncircumcised in heart, nor uncircumcised in flesh, shall enter into my sanctuary, of any stranger that [is] among the children of Israel.

Eze 44: 16 They shall enter into my sanctuary, and they shall come near to my table, to minister unto me, and they shall keep my charge.

Just because you see a problem does not mean that it is something that you are to address right now. In fact I think it might be wise to spend time in His Sanctuary .
In Psalms 78 David is increasingly aware of the enemies achievements and he becomes oppressed just thinking about it.
Looking at someone else's life can only bring me down because I have taken my eyes off of Jesus.

I am praying that He will help me once again to get my eyes on Him.
He is the One I want to follow. He is the One that really matters to me. I just want to go where He goes.

Sometimes it appears He wants me to take an educated guess as to where He's going. Educated by His word I stepped out. Now I am really sorry that I did so unwisely. I am not sorry that the whole experience has developed a better ear within me. I hear better now.

So what do I hear about my current situation?

That David was able to sing , my soul is free as a bird out of the snare of the fouler.
It will not be long before I too can sing and dance before the LORD . He is a faithful deliverer and rescues those who call upon His name.

Lazarus

2010-04-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:2 For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.

I believe Jesus when He said, "Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world." I believe that while He ministered on the earth for 3 1/2 years He was showing me how to overcome. Jesus having a life-giving Spirit in Him is a far easier concept to believe than I having a life-giving Spirit in me. Easy to believe or not easy to believe is meant only to imply that to believe may take strength. I do believe but living like I believe takes a strength only God can give me. The truth is that He did give me that life-giving Spirit .

While Jesus ministered to the earth as the Son of man , people had not as yet been given this life-giving Spirit to dwell in them.

I believe that Jesus wanted me to be able to believe and receive "ALL" that He did for me. When He spoke life into Lazarus He was saying (with His actions , I believe), that He could give that same life giving experience to me.

Romans 8:6 If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace.

I can choose to look at the way my mind thinks when caught following the flesh and believe it is dead. I can say to myself, "Look how it always goes back to thinking like my parents thought. Look how it is so easily deceived into thinking like some charismatic person is thinking. Look how my thinking stinks! "

Or I can choose to believe that Jesus can arrive on the scene at any moment He chooses and breath life into my stinking mind. He can bring it alive with the power of His life-giving Spirit that He gave me.

Romans 8:9-10 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. ( And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them are not Christians at all.) Since Christ lives within you, even though your body will die because of sin, your spirit is alive because you have been made right with God.

That means I have a right spirit .

When Lazarus came alive he still needed a little help from his friends. Jesus told them to take his grave clothes off him .

It took some really brave people to stay around while Jesus performed this miracle. I do not want to smell a dead rat. That is a small smell though compared to a dead dog , or cow. These people were surely use to coming upon a dead something when they traveled from town to town. There were no animal control people to call back then and say, "please come get this dead deer that died on the path from my town to my friend's town."

Yet Lazarus' friends were there when Jesus said, "take the grave clothes off him." I think not only Jesus loved Lazarus but his sisters and friends loved him too. Friends that hang around and expect Jesus to do something miraculous in your life are priceless. Friends who believe that Jesus is still doing miracles today are the kind of friends I need.

I also want to be a friend to those who are believing that Christ lives within them. When they say, "I sin." I want to encourage them like Jesus has encouraged me. "Be of good cheer, "He said, "For I have overcome the world."

He Loves Me Where I 'm At

2010-03-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

When the Holy Spirit convicts me of sin , this is a good thing. The conviction can stay a good thing until I decide He is not working fast enough. That I should be helping more with my repentance and then , I look around and wonder where the Holy Spirit is !
The only way that I know to back up is, to once again go to that place in my spirit that the Holy Spirit met me.
Like the woman at the well that Jesus met. He was not condemning her for where she was at , and I do believe that no matter what our sins, so it is with Jesus today.
He is not condemning me. Does He want me to change ? Yes, a spiritual change that He has done. Not a fleshly work that I can do.
And so , for it not to be a work of the flesh , I must wait on the Holy Spirit and believe I am loved, right where I am at.

A Good Kind of Hiding

2010-03-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

Most of my life I have felt like hiding. Hiding from God's love is not an option however when you plan to enter the kingdom of God. Here you have to not hide and so I have endeavored to quit hiding from His love.
It has not been easy , it has taken days and days of applying His word to my life. Basically what the rest of the body of Christ is doing. I know , I am not so different.
For me the true word of testimony is when I can share that process with others. Very few talk about the housecleaning job that they take the time to purposely thank the LORD for each chair as they dust the legs and seats. Oh, I am sure there are a lot of people doing this, just not a lot take the time to talk about it. How I can thankfully dust that chair is a word of testimony to me because I know that except for the awesome power of the grace of God I could not dust it. I could not want to get down on the floor and dust the legs and braces that probably no one will notice if I don't do it.
It is from this grace that I spring board toward other things that my flesh does not want to do.

I do not want to come out from hiding. It has been a plan of self preservation for so long I can not even remember why I started hiding in the first place. Lately I have been having a very hard time with my flesh , that wants to keep on hiding. Finally I found a break through.
My flesh doesn't really want to keep hiding however ........it only wants to come out when it is sure that it is safe.

I can not imagine how one could go about convincing ones self that life will be safe.
It is not safe. To come out from hiding is definitely a risk .
There is one way that I can come out from hiding in this world and still feel safe. That would be to realize that there is a safe place for me in Jesus.

Jesus said, "that in this world there would be trouble , but be of cheer for He had overcome the world. "

Stepping out of hiding from my own self preservation but walking into a world that Jesus will be with me , makes coming out a whole lot easier.

He That Ears Let Him Hear

2010-03-25T05:30:00.000-07:00

My friend and I are hoping for an encounter with God. This means we are open to anything or any way that He might want to reveal Himself to us.
I shared a word of testimony yesterday with my friend. It was of a time when God moved on my behalf in a very wonderful way. My reason for sharing that testimony was because I also wanted her to know what happened the next day.
Some well meaning church attender called me up and said that I had been unwise . That God wants us to use wisdom and that my step of faith could of cost many people their lives.
My friend was shocked. "You did not believe her, did you?" my friend said. That is what I wanted to tell you, "yes , I did."
I was at a time in my life when I thought everyone knew better than me. I loved God but I thought when He said to love people , He meant "please people." I could not fathom doing anything that other church goers thought I should not do.
Now of course , I know better. Just in case I forget , I recently have had my own little reminder, that every time God moves , somebody is going to feel it their duty to shame you.

I told her that I think the way to handle these helpers words is to throw them in the fire. Just like Paul threw that viper in the fire. I was also quick to remind her that Jesus said, " when you feed your enemies and you cloth your enemies it will be like fire of coals upon their heads. "

My enemies seem to be well fed and they have nicer clothes than I do. However, I am praying that the spiritual food and the white wedding garments they really hope to be wearing when Jesus returns , will be provided.

May God be glorified as I need His strength to do this. Throwing their words into the fire and blessing those who curse you is not an easy thing to do. Actually more than I can do. May God be glorified as each day I am trying to be more yielded to His strength and ask again for an encounter of Himself into my life.

Pressing In To Suffering

2010-03-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up last night with my leg really hurting. I have been having leg cramps during the night pretty often but nothing like this.
Always before I would take my foot, the one on the end of the leg that was hurting , and I would press my foot to the futon end bar. Actually I had started sleeping on the futon because of the two round bars that serve as arm rests when folded up for sitting , and head and ends for a bed when laid down. A doctor had once told a friend of mine that if she would fix herself up a brace to press her foot against at night when the leg cramps started that they would then subside.
This had been working pretty good for me , after about 5 minutes of foot pressing the cramps would subside and I could go back to sleep.
But last night was different. I woke to a greater degree of pain in my leg than I ever had before. I couldn't bring myself to press on the bar. I got up and took some aspirin then laid back down. After about 20 minutes the pain lessened to the dull cramp that I was use to in my leg. I would then press my foot for a while , for some reason I could not stick with it for 5 minutes . I would find myself waking up over and over with a leg cramp all during the night.
About 6 a.m. I woke still hurting , my first thought was what will my scripture for today be?
Groggily I thought, suffering. Something about suffering. As I laid there awake enough now to stick with a 5 minute foot press I quoted to myself Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. NIV
Somehow first thing in the morning my thoughts always seem clearer. I thought to myself now do I really think that Paul was talking about this kind of suffering ? Somehow , no , it did not seem likely to me. More likely he was talking about the kind of suffering one does when they know that they are not liked because of who or what they are. Yet as I have been learning lately I must press on, I must not react as though I am unloved. I must react as though I am loved. I must press on and believe that I can not be separated from God's love. That no matter what any one says to me or does that affects me I must press in and believe that there is no way that what they do that can interfere with what God has planned for me.
Since God is the bigger power here , no ones little attempts , or failed attempts to show love even , will mount to a hill of beans compared to God's love.
I am one of those people that hear , "bless your heart," a lot , or "aren't you sweet." Somehow it feels like some throwing marshmallows at me , instead of love. Of course , marshmallows really is nothing to complain about. If you are one of those people that you hear, "bless your heart ," a lot , you'll know what I mean.
But it is okay. Because God has got a pure sweet true , solid kind of love for me that I do not have to worry about if no one else can come up with. His is best , all I have to do is press in.

A Jezebel in A Martha's World

2010-03-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am trying out a title for a new book.

Actually there is humor in knowing that very few people would be interested in a book with that title . Most of us know all to well how to act like a Jezebel and that is why the book titled Being a Mary in a Martha's World , sold really well.

I didn't buy that book though. I thought I had the Mary thing down pretty good and I didn't need it, until I realised that as a Mary one could oh so easily turn into a Jezebel.

Fortunately for me I had seen a few Jezebels in operation before and it wasn't hard for the Lord to hold a mirror up to my face and say, "Take a look."

If you read my previous post you know the Holy Spirit was convicting me about rebellion. I took all the steps towards repentance that I felt the Holy Spirit was showing me. The blessed fruit of that repentance is that the Holy Spirit is now able to show me how I was starting to act like a Jezebel.

Oh how thankful am I that the Holy Spirit does not let me go on and on with my own follies. What a relief to know that if you truly desire truth in the inward parts , you will get it.

I do not think the Jezebel spirit is strictly a woman thing although it seems to be most easily recognized in women , because of her gender. For those who have not seen Jezebels in operation before , it is a person who pretends submission to authority all the while working on their own agenda.

What is neat about the Holy Spirit is He started pricking me , (making me uncomfortable) when I knew my submission was not being real.
So that none of you out there are saying , "Oh wow, what a great person. She doesn't want to be fake." Let me inform you that is not really my doing.

I don't want to be fake because I want a real relationship with Jesus . How I got to be this way can only be attributed to the grace of God.

The word of my testimony today is that I am more able to forgive those people that I needed to forgive yesterday, and I am beginning to see a fruit of repentance.

Hallelujah, I am headed back to being a Mary in a Martha's world.

Not Worthy For You To Call Me Son

2010-03-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've seen it in some churches for years. The truth is told on Sunday mornings and then somehow , some way , for the interested , they manage to apply that truth to their lives by the next Sunday. Only some times they stumble. Some times they are really wanting to apply God's word but they stumble. Can they holler , "Hey, wait up, I've stumbled !" ? Of course not. You are not suppose to stumble. What is wrong with you any way. So they come in to church next Sunday , disguising the bruises that happened when they fell , and hope that somewhere along the line they will be able to catch up. Some day.

The vision statement of my church is this , Jesus said it best in Matt. 12:20 A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.

I sure hope that means you can holler ,"Hey, wait up, I've stumbled."

I think it does.

When Jesus told me to forgive my enemies He certainly was not commanding me to do something that He would not do Himself. In fact , because He did everything as the Father wanted Him to do, I know His Spirit now empowers me to do as He did.

My flesh really does not want to forgive my enemies. However, I am putting my confidence in God. I do not give the control of my life over to my flesh. I give it to God.

I am very thankful for another word of testimony given by a very famous lady, Corrie Ten Boone. She tells of a time when one of the prison guards who had treated her and her sister so badly , came to one of the meetings she was speaking in. He had become a Christian. Corrie Ten Boone knew that the thing her heavenly Father wanted her to do was forgive this man. She says in her testimony that in her mind she prayed , Jesus help me forgive him, and as she raised her hand to shake his , by the time their hands touched she sensed the power of the Holy Spirit helping her to forgive him.

It is testimonies like that that give me hope. My word of testimony is , " I am trying very hard to raise my hand."

Jesus said when we pray we are to say this to Our Father in Heaven, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

So I will. I thought today of myself being as the prodigal son. All stinky and ready to leave the pig sty. All I have to do is go home and be a servant, it will be better than it is for me now. Only I know He isn't going to let that happen. He wants me to be a son and I am going to have to do as a son. Am I going to let Him forgive me , when I do not want to forgive someone else who has done the same thing ?

I think when Paul wrote the just shall live by faith , he meant just that. I will raise my hand to shake the hand of my enemy in faith, believing that by the time it touches his , the work that Jesus Christ did for me on Calvary will manifest itself through my life.

For Those Who Are In Christ Jesus

2010-03-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Just how do I become one of those people ? I would love to live in no condemnation. That would mean living in Christ Jesus , right ?

That would mean that I walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. This is the description I have of one who is in Christ Jesus.

My word of testimony today is that I , Diane Beadle am becoming one of those people.

The way that I have found to stay in this process of becoming , is to constantly , I mean as constantly as I can , believe that God the Father of my Lord Jesus Christ , loves me.

That means when I have a problem that makes me sure others probably would not like to be around me, I chose to believe that God loves me. I also chose to believe , that unless I am contagious , people do want to be around me. Maybe they want to want to be around me, I chose to believe if they know of God's love at all , they want to treat me as good as God would.

That means when any thing happens that my flesh wants to interpret as a sign that I am unloved, I must sustain myself with God's word and confess , that " Yes , He does love me."

John 3:16-18 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

That means that every time my head hears thoughts that say the opposite of this truth I have to deal with it. I have to chose am I going to listen to the Spirit of Christ that dwells within me or am I going to listen to this liar? If my head is giving me thoughts that says , God does not love me, it has to be from some other source rather than the Spirit. The Spirit can not lie , He will only speak the truth , and the truth is God loves me. Any other thought is a lie.

Some people think the thing to do it just ignore the lie and go on the best you can.

I however believe that I am to take the sword of the Spirit and cut that lies head off.

I suppose you can do either and it will be fine. I just find that doing the latter has given me great joy in the Holy Ghost . It will take longer to do than the former and it may be more difficult and even seem to hurt while doing it.

Now that I have done it a few times I can not even remember why I thought the former way was an option. Only I knew I did , so I would never judge someone for doing so.

If you have read this word of testimony and chose to give your testimony of joyfully ignoring lies rather than confronting them with the truth please feel free to do so. Any word of testimony that gives glory to our Lord Jesus Christ is worth giving.

You Are Playing With Fire

2010-02-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

The title of "My Word of Testimony" is a declaration that what someone else is doing is affecting me. The "someone" or "someones" is a mystery to me. If you are the "one" be assured I only can guess who is doing this.

Romans 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Please don't stop.

Oil in My Lamp

2010-02-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

My last word of testimony may not seem earth shaking to you but it has had all the effects that an earthquake would have for me.
I grew up on songs like , give me oil in my lamp keep me burning , burning , burning, give me oil in my lamp I pray.
What an odd way to sing about the parable of the 10 virgins. I see it all so differently now.
As I shared with you last time I have come to realize that the oil one needs to have in their lamp is "a right spirit." This right spirit can be lost , just as the five foolish virgins discover.
I think David had lost his right spirit unawares. Fortunately for him the LORD sent Nathan the prophet to prompt him into seeing where he really was. In Psalms 51 he asks the LORD to renew a right spirit within him.
I have been meditating on how to have more of an indication that I might be losing a right spirit. What warning signs can I see to make me more cautious and instead of completely losing my right spirit start doing what would motivate God to renew my right spirit.
Once again I have been reminded how important it is to God that I believe that He loves me.
You know that was the difference between David and Saul . David was convinced that God loved him and Saul just never was sure. Saul was very works oriented I think. It wasn't an obedience based on a confidence of God's love that I see in Saul . I see him trying to earn God's love and always testing God to see if God would love him now.
My transformation of becoming a new creation in Christ Jesus has made me see that I have got to leave my old Saul like attitudes behind.
God loves me and that is settled. He chastens those whom He loves. Only to point them towards repentance. He is glad that I start asking for a gift of repentance and start seeking for Him to answer my request for bread at the door.
So having a full lamp that doesn't drain out through a hole is one that is buoyed by the confidence that God loves me. Foolish virgins may want me to convince them that God loves them but that may be the way one could lose their oil.
I use to think that the reason God wanted me to do things like feed and cloth my enemies, chase down the thief who stole my coat and give him my cloak, and other such things was so others would be convinced by my actions that God loves them.
I had that all wrong. My life is kind of like a dance , that I do with only one partner. He leads me to feed the hungry and he leads me to pray for the sick much like a dance partner leads one in a waltz with fancy steps. I am just following. He is leading. That is all that it is about. He is my God. I am His person . We do things together. I make mistakes , He gives me a nudge to correct my mis-steps. He never stops loving me, He never stops leading me. He is God.

There's a Hole In My .....Lamp.....dear Liza dear Liza

2010-02-07T05:32:00.000-08:00

I love allegorical stories and I once asked the Lord if He wouldn't want to give me an allegorical story to write. I have waited on that answer for years. Sometimes wondering if my story would become as famous as Hannah Hurnard's High Feet in High Places. Her story of course has helped millions discover the essential truth in every fruitful Christians life , that our minds are to be renewed with God's word.
She actually may have my subject matter covered because the renewing of our minds is the way we are transformed . My allegorical subject requires transforming and probably is going to amount to a short story suitable , maybe for some Christian magazine that accepts fictitious stories as articles.
I do not want to wait until that day when this would be article is at sometime submitted when I have at my disposal this world wide web and all who want can read it whenever they want.
My word of testimony today is I have an analogy for an allegorical story that I feel will be of great benefit to the Christian community. I am assuming the Christian community has as it's greatest most important concern , being a bride ready for the bridegroom when He comes.
The most important part of being ready for His return would not be doing the right things . It would be doing the right things with the right spirit.
I have found that being made uncomfortable when I have a wrong spirit is a blessing . I once lamented that I was not engulfed with believers who were on constant overflow from the Holy Spirit. However, I now see that in a whole new light.
While it indeed might be wonderful to have your entire being filled day after day with an out pouring of the Holy Spirit. If I had such an opportunity now it would be hard to pass up.
However, I am painfully aware that what I am getting is not being worked into my spirit thus producing for me a right spirit.
What I have is a bucket with a hole in it. As long as I kept going somewhere where there was some overflow my hole in my bucket was not very noticeable. Getting less and less of an opportunity to join with spirit filled believers is making me painfully aware of my lack of love.
Also those addictions that I could joyfully receive grace for , are standing out to me much more.
Yes , I do want an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Yes, I do want God to create within me a clean heart. Yes, I do want Him to restore a right spirit within me. And I want one thing more. I want to know how to maintain that right spirit so that when He returns , I will be sure to have enough.

Ps 51 : 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Renew A Right Spirit In Me

2010-02-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

The last time I posted I talked about the parable of the 10 virgins. I compared the oil in their lamps to being the empowering of the Holy Spirit and thought it was a warning to those who would burn out before the LORD returns.

Today as I share my word of testimony I have a whole new perspective on this parable. I was close but off quite a lot. Close as in saying Australia and America are close. They are of course on the same planet. The oil in the lamp does have something to do with the Holy Spirit but not at all like I thought.

Close because one can not obtain a right spirit without the Holy Spirit. Off because the LORD is not saying we are to be wise in how we use the Holy Spirit or we will run out.

I think having oil in your lamp when the bridegroom returns it is all about having a right spirit. Foolishly some think that just doing the right things without the right spirit will be enough when the bridegroom comes.

However obtaining a right spirit takes wisdom . Note the parable saying that the foolish virgins realize that they should have bought more. They must have known at some point that a right spirit was required but for some reason did not maintain the required amount for the bridegrooms return.

Note that they actually think it might be possible to be ready when He returns if the other virgins give them some of their oil. That is a little confusing to me still .

I know if I am around others who have a right spirit I do not notice that I have a wrong spirit .

I plan to look into all parts of this parable in the coming days.

My word of testimony is that I was awakened by the Holy Spirit .

Oil In My Lamp

2010-01-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

For years the story of the 10 virgins found in Matthew 25 was more than just a story to me.

It was a warning , a red flag that I felt many were missing.

I take everything very seriously so no wonder I'm thinking that having oil in the lamp is a must. I would become impatient at times. Plainly some had no oil. They complained of being worn out while working for the LORD. I would confess my impatience as sin to God and get back into a right spirit and pray for these dear folks. If the joy of the LORD was to be their strength and what we do in our own strength is but dirty rags I had reason to be concerned. However, no reason was good enough that impatience could be considered okay.

Slowly I just stopped worrying about those folks and started concentrating on having my own lamp filled with oil . It seemed like the more I was willing to receive the more the LORD was willing to give.

Just lately I have come to realize the next part of the story. Here refresh your memory and re-read it again.
Matt. 25: 1-13
"Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.""Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish. Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight a cry was heard: ‘Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.’ And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us!’ But he answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming."

I have a true story for you and with it I hope that wisdom will come to me , for as you know it is the wise virgins who have a successful happy ending to their story.

Tonight I was reading a book titled The Happy Intercessor by Beni Johnson. The author told of a person seeing the feet of angels as they walked through a building that he had asked the LORD to bless. Years ago I lived in a trailer out behind a truck stop. A lot of acreage sat there unused . I was fortunate to have this trailer lot. There were no close neighbors. Just a pasture behind me that pastured some horses. I came home from church one night and as I looked outside I saw an angel standing there blessing my home. Now I did not know what people would think if I was to say, "oh, look there's an angel blessing my home. " So I didn't say anything. I just thought , "wow, the LORD sent an angel to bless me." My mom and her husband were staying with me then in a little camp trailer they slept in at night. The next morning my mom's husband comes in to eat breakfast and says he has seen the most unusual sight. "Last night" , he says, " I saw a horse that was glowing. It wasn't just the way the moon was shining on it. It would walk around , and it glowed." I thought for a minute , and then an idea came to me. Maybe the story of Moses' face shining after being in the presence of God would have something to do with this. Perhaps the angel that I had seen the night before had something to do with the horse glowing. I did not know but I had a feeling that angel had not stopped blessing when it left my trailer. I just had a feeling it had walked all over that pasture and blessed the whole property.

Within 6 months an unexpected financial blessing came to me and my children and I was able to buy a 2,500 sq. foot home for me and my children to live in. At just the same time all the property , the truck stop and all around me had sold and I would of had to move regardless. A year later there was a hospital in that pasture , a fire station where my trailer had been. The truck stop was replaced with a nice restaurant and connected with a motel.

But you know the hospital did not stay open. The fire station closed. The restaurant closed. I think the motel is still open . Part of the hospital is being used for out patient stuff. I was just curiously thinking I wonder why the LORD wanted me to know that He had sent an angel to bless that property. And now , He seemed to be showing me that it was losing it's blessing. The purpose for the blessing to be a blessing to more and more people , seems to be dwindling. It seems to be able to bless less and less people all the time.

Is it possible that they did not know how to be wise with the blessing that had been given to them?
Is this also why I seem to be running into times when my blessing is dwindling? Can we be frivolous with a blessing? Just sharing it helter skelter and then not have enough oil for the times when we are to really be used the most? Which brings up a good question? Just how does God view my word of testimony if it is just written on a blog no one reads ? I have been trying harder to give my words of testimony personally . When I was faithfully sharing on the blog , my lamp was filling up pretty good. I think just giving a word of testimony must not be the whole picture. Knowing when to give it and to whom may be those things that wisdom would give me. Only I can not really think how I can know , except I can tell you that after I have shared, I sometimes feel drained and not refreshed at all.

Perhaps a clue would be to learn to know , who is waiting expectantly for the bridegroom to come? Some people enjoy being a Christian for the social life it gives them .And then some see it as serious business and are looking for the LORD's return any day. Perhaps those are the ones I ought to stay in company with .

Put It On Jesus

2010-01-12T05:21:00.000-08:00

My word of testimony today is inspired by the word of testimony of friends.
I attend this Ladies Bible Study Group that meets every other Sunday afternoon. It was during this meeting that I heard testimonies that encouraged me. I mention this because I think those who read my words of testimony should know that they are not fueled simply by what I seek the Holy Spirit to reveal to me from God's Word. The delightful words of testimony that I hear from others is what keeps me fueled.

In hind sight I wish I had asked everyone in the group, "In what ways have you put things on Jesus?"

My word of testimony: I have learned to want to do the will of my Father in heaven will bring me delight. I have learned to do the will of my Father I must first learn how to put it on Jesus. Carry it to Him , because in my joy and delightful thoughts of pleasing the Father I picked it up and tried to do it myself first. Thankfully that does not have to be the end of the story. As I learn how to put it on Jesus , my joy is complete , while I wait at His feet.

Learning not to try to clean myself up first , before I come to Jesus has been the hardest lesson to learn. I want to be better before I go and ask for His help. I shared with the group that when I went to Jesus during an outburst of anger , He then showed me the truth about what I was thinking. When my thoughts changed about certain situations , those particular events did not provoke anger in me like it had in the past.

This is an ongoing process but sharing this word of testimony encourages me to continue living in God's presence and not take a temporary leave of absence when my emotions seem negative.

Show Me Your Glory

2010-01-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

Years ago I was pleasantly surprised when my oldest daughter told me this short story. She was in the middle of a trying time. People were doing things that it seemed had no other purpose but to harm her and hinder her happiness. Yet when she was discussing the events with a friend she said, "I know all things work together for good, so I know eventually some good thing will happen because of these events." As the story goes , her friend had no idea what she could be talking about. All things work together for good was not something that person had ever heard. My daughter said, "Mom, I just could not believe that someone would not know this. You had told us this all the time when we were kids and I thought everyone knows this."

It was true, at every time the car broke down, every event that created what my pastor refers to as "abundant life" as he sees life abundantly filled with hills and valleys, I would say, " I know all things work together for good for them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."

I wish now I had said, "show me Your glory , LORD. Show me Your Glory." However, I was close enough to this new phrase that I do not think it will be hard to help my children see how to make the transition. Especially if they will think about the whole scripture and not just the first part.

When I say to the LORD , "show me Your glory," I am actually requesting that He reveal to me my response to the situation that will bring Him glory. Now glory is something also like a light to me. A small birthday candle lit will bring a little light into a dark room. The larger the candle the brighter the light. When I am asking for Him to show me His glory, I am aiming for the biggest brightest light possible. Yet when the day is done and I access how well I lined up with what I felt the Spirit was showing me would bring Him this glory , I feel His joy over any glory , any minute or second that I successfully aimed toward doing His will thus bringing forth His glory .

Peter talked about joy unspeakable and full of glory , and I think I know what he was talking about.

1 Peter 1:6-9
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith; the salvation of your souls.

Is it too late?

2009-12-29T06:04:00.000-08:00

You know I will be 60 years old this coming February. What an awesome thing to be able to say. That thought about how many years it took me to get here , just kept coming up to me and pestering me. The thoughts weren't going to stop me from going on now, better late than never is what I've always said. Still, up would come the thought and hit my emotions like seaweed marring a beautiful sandy beach.
The other day I happened across a person whose book had helped me so much. His honesty and his relating his word of testimony inspired and encouraged me. His name had become marred with public scandal. Not real facts but a distortion of some facts. The reason I had bought his book was because I had happened to see him in an interview on TV. He said , that the LORD had told him not to answer his accusers and fight them with facts. That the LORD had something He wanted to teach him, this fellow who wrote the book. Then he went on to tell his side of the story and promote his book. I wondered at the time if the LORD had told him it was okay now to defend himself, but I went on and ordered the book.
The LORD had indeed taught him something and had he not obeyed he probably would not of learned the valuable truth that he had about shame. He had mentioned something in that book about his next book to be published so I was on the Internet trying to see if it might be for sale somewhere, and I came upon this author. There he was , in video talking about how the LORD had told him that He had not changed His mind. From what I gathered the author had a take on what the LORD had said to him that could of been off a little bit.
As I began to pray for him , that if he was mistaken that the LORD would help him get back on the right path, the compassion I felt for him must of come from the LORD. Suddenly I knew the LORD's compassion would also extend to me.
The LORD does not mind that I am 60 and just now beginning to do what I've known He always wanted me to do. Nor will He mind if this author wakes up today and says, "Oh, that's what the LORD meant when He said, I haven't changed my mind." Any day you come to do the LORD's will is just fine with Him, and He is willing to treat you as if you have been doing okay, all along.

Are You Troubled ?

2009-12-29T05:19:00.000-08:00

I have been rejoicing in the LORD because I am not troubled. Not because there has been a decrease in problems, in fact just the opposite.
This gift of not being troubled did not arrive on my doorstep one day like some new tonic. Take this and no more troubles. No.........I would have to say this gift of not being troubled actually arrived when I was very troubled, yet it did not seem to help my feeling troubled for a very long time.
My anger problem was getting worse. I was attempting to use parenting skills that gave my child choices and loving consequences for defiance and acts of disrespect. Giving a child a consequence lovingly required an attitude of love. I was a screamer , but now my child was screaming at me. I did not want to give her consequences for doing the same thing I was doing. Thus the anger was building up. When it would explode out of me I would later feel terrible.
For me the answer came when I attended a Parenting Workshop in Little Rock , AR . Ester Williams was the guest speaker and her topic was managing anger. Her presentation was to help teachers and parents present a plan of anger management to children. As I listened and took in what she had to say I knew this was the key to my own anger management.
Until her workshop I had never heard that our emotions are the result of what we think.
So what I was thinking was really underneath my anger. First I had to become sensitive to what those thoughts, before the anger eruption really were. This took time and it took humility. If I could make myself sit down and write about my anger eruption , only when I was able to say, "Lord, help me , know what was I thinking," did I ever have anything to write.
Slowly but surely I began realising what thoughts were feeding my anger.

As my car broke twice and I am told it will soon need more repairs, the washing machine stopped spinning out the water in the last cycle, and the income that I depend on still barely covers my necessities , I am not troubled. I would have been and am sometimes for a season, until I realize what thoughts are feeding that emotion. When I read Luke 24:37 the other morning I wondered if the disciples knew the depth of what Jesus had just said to them.

Luke 24:37 And He said unto them, "Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?"

I praise the LORD today for the thoughts He has placed in my heart. That He cares for the birds and that I am of more value than they. He will take care of me.

What Shame ?

2009-12-26T05:28:00.000-08:00

Whenever I am in the midst of a problem many types of things come up. It is all part of the same problem that will in time change , however I am trying to get the most out of this problem that I can. I can remember those days that I thought pleasing God was to believe that He would take my problem away. That was such a small part of the picture I see now. As I recognize the right response and then allow the Spirit to empower me to do what I see will glorify His name , I feel as though I must stay busy all the time. This problem might be over soon and I will have lost several good opportunities. I know He will be faithful to give me a new problem but I believe He wants me to act on all that I see, not put it off and say, "tomorrow will be just as good as today."

A question that I believe the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to ask myself daily is this: "If I see a work in the flesh in my life , am I using another work of the flesh to quit it?"
I have (without consulting the Holy Spirit) been expecting this to work. Now it is my hope is that the Spirit can lead me to an alternate route.

One very unfruitful work of my flesh has been how to handle shame. Again I question myself, "are you going to use a work of the flesh to get rid of a work of the flesh?"

I will say today that I believe my redeemer has a plan for the shame that I see coming on the horizon. For He said through the prophet,
"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Nor be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame.....
And will not remember the reproach........anymore." Isaiah 54:4 NKJV

Even though what I see is real, my LORD has a plan for turning it into something that will glorify Him. As I turn it over to Him and let Him work out all the details I stand in awe and worship Him. He truly is an awesome God.

His Love Sets Me Free

2009-12-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

The word of my testimony today comes from Galatians . Actually all my words of testimony come from the HOLY BIBLE as one big picture. I been focused in on Galatians 3:2-3 This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?

Today as I cook this turkey , boil the corn on cob , mix up the dressing and place this meal before my daughter and I to eat , it is my hope that it will not be a work of the flesh. Today as I clean my house and figure my budget , again may it not be a work of the flesh. As I write this word of testimony and other Internet connections that I will be involved in today , may it not be a work of the flesh.

I will be believing that I am not a foolish Galatian . I will be believing that what I do cheerfully and heartily unto the LORD the LORD is aware of . I will be knowing that since the LORD never leaves me or forsakes me He will be near and willing to let me lean into Him for strength to do those things . Even to do those things as a worship unto Him , for one does not worship Him in the flesh but in Spirit and in Truth.

Father, may I come? Yes, you may go.

2009-12-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

Years ago I was uncertain about the Father's love for me . I kind of had Him pictured as putting up with me. Did He really want me following Him? I didn't think so. But I was trying to follow Him anyway and He was just putting up with me.

To express my feelings I wrote an imaginary story about Oprah. The one that is in the story of Ruth and Naomi. I felt as though there could of been another part of the story , one of Oprah's who hadn't really been given permission to come so she just followed along out of sight .

Through the years I've come to realize that following God is an open invitation to all. All who would respond as Ruth did to Naomi. Willing to leave her gods, her people, her way of living that she was accustomed to.

This does not mean that I think everyone who chooses to follow Jesus will have the same happy ending to their story , (here on earth anyway) as Ruth did. After all the disciples said to Jesus, "We've left all to follow you. "

What I wanted to share with you this morning is a testimony about the power of God enabling me to leave my gods, my people, my way of life.

I did not wake up one day and have Naomi say , " I am leaving today, good bye." There was a day that I woke up, yes. A day that I realised there were gods in my life that I was wanting to hang on to. A day that I realised that what God wanted was to be my only God and what was keeping me feeling like I needed to hang around on the outskirts of the camp was that I knew, He was not my only God.

So I started saying , "I want to want to, let go of this ___________ and I want to want to live this way ____________ and I want to want Your people to be my people. "

This evidently is what He has always wanted to hear , because He has been helping me to want to let go of idolatry . He has been helping me want to make life choices , such as forgiving others when they trespass against me. He has been helping me love His people.

It is a process that is still on going .

Today when I was asking Him to direct me to the field that I should go to today. (I'll be more specific later on.) I realised that I was asking with confidence that He surely would lead me to the right field. I would go where He wanted me to go. He is my God and I am His person.

He's helping me to be the person who does not hold on to stuff and try to enter the kingdom of God. Even though I am still in the process of letting go of everything , He is willing to treat me as though I already have.

So I will be job hunting today , and I believe He will lead me to the right job. I will be looking for a new meeting room for the parenting support group that I facilitate. I believe He will lead me to the right place for that too.

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

This "go" is for all who will follow Him. Everywhere I go may I find fields ripe unto harvest.

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus

2009-12-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

Right now I have some very big decisions to make.
A word picture would be of a ship (that's me) and a stormy sea ( the wind and waves telling me what I should do ) and the destination has a lighthouse set upon it . "Lord , I have decided to follow You, so please do something about this wind and waves. "
He is .
Perhaps the very wind and waves that I find making my trip so uncomfortable are the very things that I need to end up in the right place at the right time.

I was clipping along pretty good at giving a daily testimony when I read this book for authors.

It said, "Something written in haste is rarely enjoyed by the reader." ( Not exact quote.)

It has taken a few days for me to recover. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me this blog is not for the enjoyment of any reader. This is the word of my testimony.

Here it is:
My choices and actions were once interfered with by several oppressions put on me by the enemy. I wanted these oppressions to stop so I cried unto the LORD for help , and He helped.
He started sending people into my life that ignored the oppression and treated me as though I was free. When I mentioned that I might start drinking again they said ,"so, if you do, just keep on following Jesus." So instead of fearing that I would drink again, I just decided , that if it happened I would not stop following Jesus. Want to know something . I do not even want to drink anymore. I can not even think that I would want to drink anymore. But if I do , I will continue to follow Jesus . The thing is now , of course you've noticed. I am following Jesus. I doubt very seriously that He is going to go into a bar . That is pretty easy to assume , given my history with strong beverages. Although you and I know of people He has lead into bars. I am just trying to relate this problem to my current problem(s) and follow Him through this storm.
Now I am following Jesus and I assume that I am not to go into debt to go where He is showing me to go. Just like I assume that I am not going to go into a bar . Are you following my testimony here ?
On the other hand , everyone knows that you go into debt when you live in a house.
I am beginning to lean towards the same attitude for health insurance deductibles. Health insurance with a $2,000.00 deductible maybe should be looked at like a mortgage on a house. If you plan to pay it , it is okay.
So I have to go and pursue a job. My ad in the paper did not produce anyone who would pursue me. So now I have to go and pursue a job.

My word of testimony today is that I believe Jesus will not leave me or forsake me.

Can This Be ?

2009-11-25T05:22:00.000-08:00

The LORD has blessed me to live among my own people. We have a tendency to get into a rut. How it happened that I would want to be a rut breaker, I do not know. Maybe it happened because I realised that going in a rut was what eventually became a ditch, and a ditch eventually became a gully, and a gully eventually became a Grand Canyon. Well, it could if gone over enough times.

So when I cried unto the LORD to help me out of my rut/Grand Canyon one of the first thoughts to come to me was that I needed to be able to accept a change in the way I did things.
One of the first thoughts was that to get out of that rut I would have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit. My very first thought was no wonder I had gotten into such a deep rut, I had been quenching the Holy Spirit for a very long time. Not only had I been quenching the Holy Spirit but I had been grieving the Holy Spirit and in so doing I realised that I had been denying the power of the Holy Spirit. This is not acceptable behavior in the kingdom of God so while in the midst of getting out of my rut I also sought for a new way of living. You see I had gotten out of ruts so many times only to find myself back in one again, I was ready , ready for change, ready for anything that God might want to do.

There was no clearly laid plan in my mind how God would deliver me, but I believed He was my deliverer. There was no formula that I was planning to follow except to believe that I had been created to glorify His name. There was no way that I could plan my days ahead because each day I hoped would be the day that I no longer walked in my rut. I had to say, "If the LORD wills ," to every thing because I only had a hope of His will being done in my life.

A friend suggested that I read Romans 8 as a prayer of thanksgiving to the LORD , each day. I do not know the particular translation she gave me but it seemed to be English friendly. As I would read it the words seemed easy to form into the way I was comfortable speaking. Romans 8: 1 says: There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. My thanksgiving prayer was, I thank you Father that because of Your great love for us You gave Your son to me and I believe to receive that His blood has washed all my sins away. With this cleansing power comes the added blessing that I am now in Christ Jesus , and because I am in Christ Jesus there is now no condemnation for me.

You see, I started living under the blood of the Lamb. I started wanting to give my word of testimony to the effect that there is now no condemnation for me. I began looking ahead to the day that my rut would become a flat land once again. A day that what was happening around me or to me would not shake me or slow me down. That my walk with Jesus would be more important than what was happening around me.

So when I asked people to pray for me I could not help but exhort them to expect a miracle. Some misunderstand and thought that I was demanding a miracle. When they misunderstand I did not know what else to do but say once again, "Expect a miracle."

It came to me today that my life is a little like Peter's when he had been put in prison. There was a whole group of people praying for him. Yet when the very thing that they were asking God to do on Peter's behalf , they had a hard time believing that it really could happen.

I have been in prison/rut for so long that people hardly know what to think when I ask them to pray for me as though I'm out. I will be able to follow the Spirit. Romans 8 says I can.

I am putting my hope in that God will surely allow there to be at least one young maiden to answer the door when I come out , and she will be able to convince the rest that God truly is a
God who performs miracles , even today.

Loving God Where I'm At

2009-11-24T05:48:00.000-08:00

This word of testimony was inspired by a fellow traveller Francis Frangipane.

Loving God where I'm at means that He does not have to change a thing , and I will love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I will accept that every thing He has allowed will not have to be fixed, healed and explained , still I will love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I accept that He is able to look at me and know where I am.

Loving God where I'm at means that I can remove that cloak of fear that hides me , and love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I am loving Him in the present not the future.

Loving God where I'm at means that I love Him NOW !

Hope , Faith , Love

2009-11-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

Faith requires action James tells us. Maybe it is the action that is done in hope that unleashes the faith that in turn, pours out His LOVE.

When I purpose within my heart to perform an action I hope that the LOVE of God will show through the end result . However, at the beginning my "action" may look like it is nothing .

Somewhere it is written , "do not despise small beginnings."

Zec 4: 10 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel's hand. For these seven lamps represent the eyes of the LORD that search all around the world."

So my blog site that offers my word of testimony. The support group for parents that I have begun. The times I give someone who steals from me , more than they have taken. The times that I go and be in the company of the hard to love , due to physical assaults to my five senses. The many other small beginnings that I can see going on in my life right now !

The word of my testimony : I will not despise !

I have hope in those small beginnings , may God be glorified when His LOVE is flowing through them.

May my ability to not despise these small beginnings carry over to not despising others small beginnings. It is hard enough to build a wall. I hope to be an encouragement and never , ever despise their small beginnings.

Lead Me to the Rock that is Higher

2009-11-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

My word of testimony today is about my real life experience. However, to protect the identity of the person in my story I will greatly change one important distinguishing feature . I will refer to this person as "poor" but she is not poor. In place of this word you could put "stinks" or "has a physical deformity that is makes her offense to look at" ,you could put has "turrets " thus she (beyond her control) says things that I would rather not hear. What ever would be the hardest person for you to be around and love , the physical reason for that , put here , in place of "poor."

Ps 3:3 But thou, O LORD, [art] a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
My glory is His glory as the Ps describes. My purpose is His purpose , I thank Him for lifting my head and being a shield for me as I struggle to let Him help me rise above my enemies.

The enemy that I need to rise above is Pride.

The only way to do that is to humble ones self , this would seem to be going the other way , down rather than up. Yet I know that down , before the Lord is where I need to go , and lift my head up towards Him and look into His eyes.

In the post before there is a video about a person born without limbs. He has a fantastic word of testimony click the highlighted words lifewithoutlimbs . At first his parents had a hard time accepting that he had been born like this. They eventually did believe that God loved them and their son and went forward. He now believes the purpose God has for his life is in process of being fulfilled.

I want to hear the testimony of his parents. I want to know how did they get to the place that they began talking to their son as a whole person. Surely there is a way to overcome because we are admonished in the Bible to not favor the rich and give them the best seats and give a lowly seat to the poor. The man without limbs feels he is overcoming because he is able to go on and live his life for God's glory. May God bless His parents with a word of testimony that might help us who are thrust into a place such as they were.

(My story to be posted at a later date. I have to somehow re-state the events so as not to allow her identity.)

A Simply Fantastic Video , Must See !

2009-11-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

Here is an e-mail that I sent to my friend today. She does not call me often but when she does I believe it is because the Spirit has led her. She sent me this video that you must see to be able to understand my letter. It takes about 12 minutes, so if you were in a hurry today, come back tomorrow .

Part one of the video is available by clicking the link below,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64iiIExl8C4

And part 2 is available by clicking this next link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_FxzNbXNiY

Hello friend,

I am hoping this message will find you still believing that "YOU ARE LED BY THE SPIRIT".
After years of living in condemnation I found it very difficult to live "every" day believing that.
Little by little my life has taken a 98 degree turn and I have more minutes believing than I ever did before.
So you didn't call me , because the Spirit did not lead you to call , or if you truly feel convicted ( like I do right now because I honestly have been putting off calling someone that I know I should talk to ) either way you are my friend . That means you do not have to do perfectly 100% of the time. I think we are at about the same place in our journey and the Lord is being gracious to us by letting us re-connect at times so we can encourage each other as we go along.

Our connecting point is letting go of our children.

You are doing so good !

And thank you for sending me that encouraging video. That was so awesome.

Unlike you , (or maybe you just haven't felt comfortable enough to share ) I feel responsible for my daughters and sons limbs being missing.
So it seems like an extra hard thing to get through ( to me ) mainly because I can not talk about it with people without them spending alot of time trying to convince me how wrong I am.

I would like to meet one healthy person who could look me in the face and say , "Yes, you are right. You certainly are a decendant from Adam and Eve and I imagine they spent many a night awake wondering how they could of done things differently so that Cain would not of killed Abel. "

After they got sick and tired of that though , maybe they looked at the promise that was given them .

That is what I am trying to do. And by faith in that promise , let go.

It is hard. One day I can do it and the next minute you'd think I had never even tried. I guess it is like walking in the Spirit. You just have to get up every morning believing that the Spirit will lead you and that your heart will be willing to follow. When I have to interact with my children I have to keep on believing .

Sometimes I have to repent of idolatry at the end of the day. Sometimes I have to repent of wanting to be my children's idol. I have to believe His grace is suffiecient for me and go on.

God bless you. I thought I didn't have a word of testimony for today , but I think now I do. I hope I can figure out how to get the video on there.

Right after I make that phone call I've been putting off.

Peace,
Diane

Learning Skills

2009-10-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

I have been preparing for rain. (See the movie Facing The Giants.)

When I have a certain kind of need it makes sense to me to begin looking for ways to prepare myself for the need to be met. I need to place an ad in the paper offering my service for employment. So while at a yard sale this book about "making great ads" caught my eye. The more I read this book the more encouraged I have become about placing the ad. The author's enthusiasm and confidence is encouraging. His honesty has only helped me to enjoy his suggestions. He has a motive for writing this book . He invites his readers to send their success stories and ideas to him . He's willing to pay for them ,yet he honestly describes how he will use the material to help himself make even more money. The latter has nothing to do with my word of testimony except to point out how honesty can be an encouragement . Detailed honesty.

One of the skills I hope to achieve by sharing my word of testimony is to learn how to share the details . Honestly .

My reason for wanting to give a word of testimony is that I want to be an over comer.
Sharing the details requires more honesty . Just letting you know that I shop at yard sales was not that hard. At the same yard sale I was once again prey to the fast talking seller. I protected myself though this time. After she convincingly told me these magazines were worth so much more than what she was asking for them, I told her the truth. I said, "It doesn't matter if they are not. I figure that if you are having a yard sale you really need the money. I consider what I am giving you is a gift. " What I have to battle against is the resentment that comes up every time I remember that she must have looked them up on ebay herself. She sold them for the exact dollar amount and saved herself the time and fees for selling the same items. (However, in an auction prices can be unpredictable for either side.)

But she didn't know that little book she sold me for fifty cents would be a source of encouragement from the LORD for me. Because of that little book , today I am encouraged to prepare for rain.

Better Is One Day In Your House

2009-10-26T05:21:00.000-07:00

I really messed up the other day when talking to another Habitat For Humanity partner family . Someone said, "she really deserves it,"(meaning the house). I said, " None of us deserve such a wonderful thing but it is a wonderful gift . " Obviously what came out of my mouth was how I feel about my gift of a Habitat house . Unfortunately I have come to see myself as a part of the "all of us" and out of my mouth came the evidence of that.
I don't know if my partner friend will forgive me for my social blunder , but if not I hope she will think on things above. One day we will have a huge glorious mansion and we will not deserve it. I see myself as being able to receive as a gift those things I do not deserve here on earth as a preparation for those days ahead when I will be walking upon streets of gold , undeservedly .

With All Your Heart

2009-10-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Preparing for Rain PART TWO. It is my intent to share my daily life as a word of testimony.
A short introduction would be : I and my daughter are in need . For more clarification of what our need/needs are you may want to read past blogs.

My words of encouragement today came from two stories in the Bible and one in the 20th century. Naomi and Ruth . Jonah. Miss E .

Miss E. told me of a story in her life. At the time I really wondered at her telling me it. The point seemed to be "that God does not always help. " Now I see it in a whole new light. The point is , "to obey God is more important than any other thing."

She was an Agape Land worker. Do you remember those "Bullfrogs and Butterflies" songs years ago ? Well , those people really had a zeal for doing God's will that I admire. ( There are things about every church movement that I could not admire, but why waste time on that ? )

It was made known unto this elderly saint that she was to move to another location. Now she was not only elderly but she suffered from a crippling arthritic condition so she needed help to pack. The way this saint lived her life was to do what ever God told her to do , and if she needed help she asked . She needed transportation to the new site , so she asked. It was worked out that a family was planning on taking a trip to her new location. They were leaving on a certain day and she could ride with them. Next she needed help to pack her belongings. Her hope was to take them to a bus station and have them shipped to her new destination.

Once again , she asked for help and two or three young people agreed to come and pack her belongings for her and take them to the bus station. On the designated day for them to come for some reason they did not. At the designated time for her ride to come , they did arrive.

She went with them.

She left all her stuff !

I know , maybe you are thinking that she hoped they would come later on and pack her stuff and send it. As I understood the story , she knew that wasn't going to happen. She left any way !

"But why ?" I said . "Because it was more important to me to do God's will ," was her reply.

Was she down in the dumps about losing her stuff ? I don't know. It seemed to me that she was just stating a fact. She now needed more stuff to replace her old stuff to live. What was constant was , whether she got the stuff to make her life comfortable or not , it was okay , she was going to do God's will regardless.

The other two Bible stories encouraged me today because in each one there were people who did God's will. One did what God wanted her to do but had less than a right spirit about it. One had a totally right attitude, ready to give up all to follow the true and living God. One wasn't going to do God's will , was kind of forced into it but still God was able to use him in a mighty way. It was his own attitude that made it not a joy for him.

Something else about Naomi's story stood out to me.
I think Naomi sensed that she had been chastised by God and did not like it. However, if He wanted her to go back to Bethlehem , well , okay she would go. I think she had decided more than just to go back and do God's will. I think she had decided that He would be her only God. The comfort of having two daughter in-laws she was willing to give up. Having someone love you is pretty comforting , being willing to give that up to do God's will says something about her character. Maybe suffering had produced the good character in her that we read of in Romans 5.

It wasn't until Ruth convinced her that her God would be her God also , and her only God. Then Naomi was willing to receive the comfort Ruth would bring her. She was willing to go it alone if need be , just somehow get back to where she belonged.

I have a love for the people around me , especially those who love me . Yet my God has got to be first . That simply means that I can not hang on to the comfort of getting along with people who love me , rather than do what I feel God wants me to do.
It is hard to do because I know they could be hurt .
They also enjoy the comfort of my love but unless they are like Ruth and willing to put God first in their lives , we will be taking separate roads at some point and time.

Now I have been speaking metaphorically but I also have a daughter who is arriving at the age to be on her own. Just because she moves to a separate dwelling than I, doesn't necessarily mean that she has chosen not to put God first. It may be that for God to be first in her life , she needs to be on her own.

Metaphorically I travel along the road of those whose desire is to worship God and serve Him only. I can be useful there as an encourager and builder up of the body of Christ. If they are not on that road I can let the light of the glory of Christ shine through me and hope they will desire to leave all behind. It is worth the cost, as we who live under the blood of the Lamb , and give a word of testimony and are learning to love not our lives even unto death, know.

Preparing For Rain

2009-10-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

This word of testimony may lose some of it's impact if you have not watched the movie Facing The Giants. My favorite part in the whole movie is when the fellow tells this story to the coach. He says, "Two farmers were praying and asking God for rain for their crops. One farmer just kept praying and did nothing. The other farmer continued to pray while he started plowing his fields and planting his crop. Which farmer do you suppose had the better crop when the rain came ?"

I can tell you of many times when I was praying for help when it seemed like nothing less than a miracle would help. I can tell you of many miracles that have happened in my life time. I can recall more than a few that happened but because I wasn't prepared , the help that came was less than the glory producing act it was suppose to be.

A classic example of this in the Bible is in Exodus. When their miracle of being released from slavery came they were not ready to be free.

Today I am so thankful to have learned my lessons about preparing for rain. I am so thankful and grateful for the miracles that are happening around me all the time. Still I feel an urgency in my spirit to not stop for long , because I need to prepare for the next rain that is to come.

My daughter and I struggle with some health problems and we regularly approach God for healing and strength. Our LORD has healed us , we know this , we are anticipating that the evidence of our healing will show up any day now. It was shortly after I wrote my last blog about preparing that I realized I had failed to prepare for God to heal us.

Actually the preparing for rain requires a move of God's spirit too. Pretend with me that I could have a time machine that would take me back to the days right before the Israelites left Egypt. If I told them about the need to prepare for freedom and then just left , what good would that do ? Unless they had some idea about how to begin to prepare their hearts , it would be like handing a farmer a book about farming but giving him no tools.

It happens to me often that I feel as though I need to accept the class of kindergarten rather than gain the status of going up to another level. I don't mind a bit. My father can use me here and that is all the joy that I need. As I learn with child like acceptance how to prepare for my healing , I already know that it will help my daughter and others that I share my word of testimony with.

May God grant me the grace and strength I need to share my word of testimony. It takes a move of His spirit , for I alone can not do this.

This is why I become so excited when others share their words of testimony with me. I know that they are being empowered by the Holy Spirit to do so.

The Hearts of Children and Fathers

2009-10-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

As I share my word of testimony today I will be laying out some scriptures for you.
This is to help you understand my testimony. I live under the blood of the lamb and by the word of my testimony . There is a perfect love that is being perfected in me that will one day manifest itself as my being able to love not my life even unto death.

How easy is it to be a Christian ? Oh easy, all you have to do is love the LORD your God with all your heart , soul and mind , and love your neighbor as yourself.

My heart , yes , well ..........I want to talk about my heart today.

2 Chronicles 11:16 And after them out of all the tribes of Israel such as set their hearts to seek the LORD God of Israel came to Jerusalem, to sacrifice unto the LORD God of their fathers.

2 Chronicles 20:33 Howbeit the high places were not taken away: for as yet the people had not prepared their hearts unto the God of their fathers.

Luke 1:17 And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

Now we could talk in great length about the spirit and power of Elias. Much has been written about him . What has stirred me today is that I want my heart to be prepared for the LORD .

John the Baptist went about in the the spirit of and power of Elias. His job description was to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; and to make ready a people prepared for the LORD.

Now I have found that a teacher who has experienced what he teaches can actually teach. The spirit of the LORD has taught him what he learned through what he experienced . The spirit of and the power of the LORD is upon him when he can teach in the spirit of love.

I think in these last days I ought to share my words of testimonies with others as often as I can.

For everytime I share what the spirit of the LORD has taught me . I believe I am allowing the spirit to grow within me . My hope is in God's word. Romans 5 says that through the suffering I have done I have the hope of the love of Christ being shed abroad in my heart. This of course is if I have persevered and had good character worked in me.

Do I sound as if I think there is nothing wrong with me ? Please LORD how do I give this word of testimony so that people will understand ?

My heart was not turned back to my father, my children's hearts were not trained to have a heart for their fathers and now that I find it is time to be worshipping in spirit and in truth, I still have high places that have not been brought down.

Yet I believe that the spirit of Elias still lives on. My heart is open , and I am seeking and I will not be ashamed.

I will worship in as much of the spirit of truth that I can as it is a work that is being done in me.
I will not despair for the best is yet to come.

The Hour Now Is (Added on to.)

2009-10-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

John 4:23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

Yesterday I was talking about high places.
High places came to mean for me , those places that I thought I had reached God's approval.
A place that God approves of is not bad.

As a child I was raised in a church that worshipped God. I mean worshipped God for hours. The services called worship services were "worship services." And the intent was to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

At twenty two I realised my life was pretty much a mess and the only hope I had was that God might do something to make it better . So out of desperation I committed my life to Him. You read that right. (Much , much later did I learn the truth about receiving His forgiveness .)

So out of a sense of commitment , I set aside "worship times." I am realizing now , here in the Bible belt that others have this same kind of understanding , but it is "read the Bible." Some have the "prayer time, or quiet time."

Mine was the "worship time " and unlike the "Bible time" or "quiet time" , it can only be done with the assistance of the Holy Spirit. I am assuming my readers know there is a difference between "praise " and "worship."

To attain a "worship time" I had learned it helpful to first have a "praise time." Sometimes I finished my time set aside for worship , having only praised the LORD. But I felt good about what I had done. As I now look back upon what I did back then , I in a sense went up the mountain to worship God in high places. Yet , because it was all about "what I was doing," the HOLY SPIRIT was quenched . The Holy Spirit or the accuser of the brethren , ( I am not sure ) would tell me that I was building a tower of Babel , and that God was not pleased with that.

Then I would quit my worship times. Then I would become sad and defeated . Then I would decide that maybe what I was doing , even if wrong was better than nothing at all. So I would try again.

When the woman at the well spoke to Jesus about , some say we are to worship in the mountain and some say the temple , I think she was referring to the high places up in the mountains. I think that it had become okay to build altars and worship God up in the mountains . Now I hope I have not stepped on some historians toes and he corrects me. Even if I am wrong about that as a historical fact , the truth is I still can climb the mountain to worship God.

I try to believe God is pleased with me in my low places but , wow , give me a high place and I can take off.

Did you notice the words "can" in the last two sentences ? I can means , I can make a choice to do those things , or I can make a choice to do something else.

I rejoice today in the Truth that has set me free to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

There is no need to attain a sense of satisfaction that I have adequately carried out my commitment to please God.

I have been released from that prison cell and I am dancing with my Father God in fields of grace !

Those High Places !

2009-10-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

Hab 3:19 The LORD God [is] my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' [feet], and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].

As I have mentioned before , spiritual warfare is about believing that God LOVES us. This LOVES is far beyond what I can comprehend , yet even though I can not count the stars , I appreciate their beauty.

When God does something wonderful for me I must believe that this high place will not entertain spiritual wickedness. That pride or anything that would exalt itself would be immediately confessed as sin and that the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus would wash it away.

Surely the rich man who desires to walk humbly with God realizes that only because "with God all things are possible," he can enter the kingdom of God.

I once caught a glimpse of how pleased our Father is to have given us the victory over spiritual wickedness. Had I not caught that glimpse I probably would not have started the "by the word of my testimony blog" . Had I not caught that glimpse of God's delight in giving us life and life more abundantly , you would not be reading this word of testimony . Just think about that !

My victory is in JESUS , my saviour , how I love Him ! He sought me, and He bought me, with His redeeming blood.

That says all of my testimony today. All my sins have been washed away. I can live today as though I'd never sinned because He has washed my sins away.

I am so thankful for the people who are willing to agree with God that I am forgiven. It is such a blessing and a comfort to know that there are people who have the good news to share with me , not just by their mouths but by their willingness to convey it in so many ways.

We Got A Date (approx) and We Got A Place (approx)

2009-10-11T15:21:00.000-07:00

THE INFORMATION
There is a wonderful organization called Habitat For Humanity that's logo is We Offer A Hand Up Not A Hand Out. After filling out an application I waited patiently to see if I was one that they would want to give a hand up to. They did ! I found this out in Jan. 2009 .
THE NOT A HAND OUT
I was not sure how I would do my part . I believed that God would guide me and strengthen me and prepare me for what would lie ahead. I learned that the Habitat For Humanity volunteers truly were willing to help me with my part. Not only did they cheer me on every time that I tried to do my part , I was encouraged by them that they appreciated my being there trying. There is a requirement of hours to be worked and a certain amount of money that the Partner Family must contribute to the organization which in turn is applied to the building of ones house. In other words I have been helping (in a small way, but the best I can ) with the building of other Partner Families homes.
THE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! To all my friends who have been praying for me. To all my friends that came out to the builds and worked. To all of my friends that offered to help in any way they could . Just as I have been working toward those needed hours my friends have also been doing what they could to help me reach the required goal. I want to note here that the persons who gave one half day and the persons who gave several days are equally appreciated by me. I think we all have been doing what we can, and just like Jesus said , about the widows mite , it meant more because it was all she had. And it is not over yet ! The half way mark has been reached or has almost been reached! This is what is required before Habitat For Humanity says, "Okay, we will be making plans to start your house on this date."
THE MONEY CAME IN
The LORD surely wanted to lift the burden I have had to raise the money for the down payment.
It has all come in and He also gave a hand up with my groceries a couple of months ago. Trying to manage my bills and save a little back each month turned out to be more than I could handle and my Tuesday night support group gave me what they call a Pounding. When other friends heard about it they joined in and pounded me to. ( It's suppose to be a pound of this and a pound of that but they didn't stick to the rule !) Ha , Ha. Now for the fun part, I can continue trying to raise money for additions for my new home, like a new washer and dryer or other things like that.
THE DATE HAS BEEN SET
They will begin building a home for me and my daughter in Feb. 2010. The weather can be pleasant in Feb. here or it can still be snowing so the exact date will be determined by the weather.
THE LOCATION
Look up there at that picture . Somewhere in that general area our house will be built to look just like all my other Partner Families homes.

I hope all who read this will rejoice with me as I and my daughter are being the recipients of a generous flow of God's love through very many individuals. As I force myself to open and receive His love I find that I in turn have a love to give. Even if for some reason the house build was cancelled I would have no problems because it is not about the house. It has been about me being able to let God love me and I finally have , more than I was before.

So when was the last time you let God love you ? Go ahead and let Him. You may not need a house . Dare to believe that what ever you need , if God agrees with you , and He can find a few willing vessels to use to help get that need to you , He will, He will go ahead and love you , yes He will !

A Sweet Savour

2009-10-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

Happily I find that many of my friends are encountering the same kind of experience . They are willing to give a word of testimony from where they are . This shows me that there is a hope of the love of Christ being shed abroad in their hearts .
My hope is that I will learn to savour the things that be of God .
Not everyone that I know has this desire and so I can not always listen to their counsel .
The thing I seek more than counsel are others who are willing to share with me this is where they are. Their willingness to share their word of testimony with me accounts for the strength I now have in Christ Jesus. The Word is Christ and sharing their experiences in His Word is like sharing Jesus with me.
I praise the LORD for those who are not afraid to share where they are in the word.
I praise the LORD that I can look into His Word and see His love to me become clearer.
I rejoice that I am in a process of learning to savour the things that be of God.
Blessed am I for the grace given me during this time of learning.

Matt 16:23 But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

It's Okay Where I'm At, Let Me Tell You My Plans

2009-09-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is about the way God is showing me His answer to a question I have.
The question was about Life Coaching. Should I learn to be a life coach ?
Perhaps you know what Life Coaching is , so I will just share what I feel would be relevant to my word of testimony.

For me to live for the glory of God means to use the gifts He has given me.

Short and simple as it sounds for me it has been like digging up a hundred pound ball and then rolling it around. Oh , I thought of a good analogy , when I go bowling I always look for the ball that will slide easily off my hand at time of release and light enough that my arm won't hurt. Living for God's glory has seemed like He's asked me to bowl with too heavy a ball.

If you read my posts you know that God has been teaching me how to depend on His strength. This is vital to any thing I do for His glory. I just picture the stuff I do in my own strength as hay, wood and stubble that burns up easily and does not give Him glory.

So should I learn Life Coaching ?

My gift of being an encouragement and giving edification to the body of Christ has mostly been centered on finding the prodigal son who has left the pig sty, came back to the father , received the bath, clean robe and ring. He's heard the invitation from his father come in I've prepared a big banquet to celebrate your return. In my story the elder brother gets a chance to tell him what he thinks about his going in and celebrating the banquet . In my story that I try to share with others is that Jesus is also there saying , "Yes, go in and enjoy the banquet. "

My life has been pig sty dirty , but the father's love has drawn me home. For an awful time I became like the elder brother and insisted on earning what the father wanted to give me. I guess that is why I have compassion on the elder brothers that I see today. I know in their hearts they do not want to be like that. If only someone could help them accept that they too are loved by the father and at any moment they can exchange their self righteous garments for the real thing. All it takes is believing that it is okay , right where they are.

Just like the father heard the prodigal son's plans , he'd like to know the plans of the elder brother. More importantly he wants us to know our plans . I think that is why it is written , that they overcame by the blood of the lamb , by the word of their testimony and they loved not their lives even unto death.

I think life coaching skills might fit into what my father would have me to do .
Just like every other thing I do , it would only glorify Him if I was able to lean into the Holy Spirit and do it in His strength, not my own.

1 Th 5:8 But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

Faith , Hope and Love

2009-09-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

I think it was Elisha that lamented I am no better than my fathers.
I have come pretty close to lamenting that I am no better than those Corinthians.

Joyfully I report that my situation has taken a turn for the better.

I gladly report my word of testimony today with a clearer view of where I am going.

Just saying that I will not be like the Levite or Pharisee who passed by the beaten up Samaritan lying beside the road, doesn't get it with me anymore.

No I am not going to go out to the highways and the byways. There are plenty of beaten up Samaritans right in my church. They are there and they are hurting and for whatever reason this is how it is for them, Jesus has what they need .

I have been ignoring them long enough. My only excuse for such blatant anti- Christianity is that I was like the Corinthians. (Only I have not been comfortable being like a Corinthian. )
I have been struggling for weeks hoping some insight would come to set me free from my bondage of Corinthian like living.

What is going to set me free is "faith" "hope" and "love."

Romans 5:1- 5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I want to live (by faith in) the blood of the lamb.
I want to speak a word of testimony that declares that I rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
I want to live like someone who has the love of God poured out in her heart by the Holy Spirit.

Oh, but what a weak vessel I am to do such a big job. I have just a little strength , maybe the least one in the whole kingdom of God.

I broke down this past Sunday because someone forgot all about me. I'd committed to pray until the baby was born but no one called . I was praying along at a good pace until 12:45 a.m. and then the minutes began to drag by. So I opened my Bible and decided to pray verses out of the Bible for the mother and the baby . Soon about 1:30 a.m. I decided to pray one last prayer, "Father wake me up if You need me to pray."

When I found out the next day that the baby was born at 12:45 a.m. was my first thought how gracious God was to let me know in the Spirit that it was okay to go to sleep when I did?
No, that is not the first thought. The first thought was these people do not love me. They forgot about me .

Then I thought about how tired they all must of been and just ready to go to bed themselves. Still I felt hurt. The hurt began to go away though as stories came about how difficult a night it had been for everyone.
As I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me bring my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ , this thought came into my head. Those foolish Corinthians wouldn't believe that Paul loved them, do I want to be like them?

The answer was "no". So I need to believe that I am loved , and certainly I had proof that I was loved by Christ Jesus as the Spirit had stopped leading me to pray about the time the baby was born.

Later I remembered how many things I had said I would do for one member of the team and had forgotten to do them. Why do I have a backwards memory ? Now I remember vividly telling her about a website link that I knew of that would be helpful for her daughters homework. And there was the time I'd video taped her daughter doing something at a church event and I was going to make a copy for her.

I can open my heart up and believe that God loves me. I can believe that His people are doing as good as they can to let the love that has been poured in their hearts , pour out on me. I can pray everyday that this love I have opened my heart to accept would somehow pour itself out on them. I can stop ignoring them.

Delighted in the LORD !

2009-09-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Remember when I posted about wanting the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful ? This concept of allowing the Holy Spirit to do even those things I thought I could do without Him has really taken a hold of me.
Probably because my JOY METER was really running low and then when I started letting the Holy Spirit help me be thankful , the Joy of the LORD started returning full force.

I am so thankful to be me.
Have you ever seen a crazy , ugly , weird shaped jigsaw puzzle ? One of those irregular sided ones , and two sides , and just an ugly picture ? Yet what you see on the box looks interesting, maybe even delightful , so if you are a real jigsaw puzzle buff , you go at it.

My last post may have sounded like I think I am an ugly me with a very unpleasant past . I want you to know though I am anything but ugly to God.
The experiences that I have are for His glory ! If one wrong look from a friend can help me become convicted so that I surrender my prejudice and lack of faith for others , I say ,"Praise the LORD."

My God is so creative He can take the most unpleasant circumstance and use it for His Glory !
Not just once but a thousand times, a million times , after all He is God !

Suffering Reproach and Shame

2009-09-24T05:03:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who overcame the sin of gluttony several years ago.
With the absence of that sin running rampant in her life she consequently lost a lot of weight.
I say consequently because sometimes the consequence of doing right is not pleasant.
Consequently she has never looked like the friend that I remember .
Consequently every time I see her I try to remember the way she use to look.
Consequently I have been trying to remember her when she sinned.
Consequently every time that months have lapsed between our visits I anticipate a set back, looking to see if she's gained some weight back.
Consequently I have been helping her suffer reproach and shame.
Consequently I have to admit it seems like a human thing to do.
Consequently I have to seek God for a more divine like love , because I see mine is stinking again.

Not to long ago I caught a look on another friend's face that told me she still remembered when I sinned. I was very hurt because I read into that look that she thought I might still be capable of doing that kind of sin again.
I thought to myself ,"she will never trust me. How can we be friends ?" At first I thought she really was not trusting Jesus , believing that He had done a work of healing in me. But the Holy Spirit showed me that may not be true.

Whenever a sin has lasted long enough in a person's life to become a stronghold it may take a while to see it destroyed. There is always that possibility that the enemy might come back around with temptation to see if he can build it up again.
Just like the initial beginnings of the coming down of that stronghold , I need to stand ready to fight a fight of faith as God's word directs me.
Well, spiritual warfare is a choice. You can do it or you can not. The scriptures encourage us to stay involved with the warfare that Christ Jesus has given us the victory over. Giving my word of testimony everyday is an evidence that I believe this is not a sit down , do nothing kind of walk with God.

But she doesn't know that about me. She doesn't know that I find great joy in participating in the victories that Jesus has won for me. And she doesn't know that I am not about to just stand around and let the enemy rebuild a stronghold that took so long to see come down.

I was feeling let down because her look did not indicate that she would be ready to help me fight temptation again. Her look said, "You better not let that stronghold get built up in your life again, or I won't have anything to do with you."

So I am planning on talking with her about that. I am planning on sharing with her how it was that the love of God shown through just a few individuals is how my stronghold got destroyed in the first place. It took a few women doing something very hard for them to do in their own strength and I know they must have surely sought the LORD to be able to express an act of love to me when this stronghold was so strong it seemed I had no control over it's force.

When I looked back and remembered what I had done , I struggled to believe that God could love me then. However, that was exactly what I needed to do , was struggle to believe and eventually I did believe and accepted that Christ died for me while I was yet a sinner . Their response to my sin helped very much, although neither of them know today what an effect it had on my life.

When I was talking to the LORD about how bad it feels to have people remember what you have done , I was reminded of Mary called Magdalene. She had to carry her past around with her too.

Luke 8:2 And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils,

She did not let what people said or thought about her past , stop her from following Jesus.

I was also convicted of putting a label like that on my friend , only in a bad way. If I can't forget what she looked like when she was heavy , maybe I can train myself to glorify God and thank Him for the victory He gave her over the stronghold of gluttony.

It has occurred to me the same might have been done to glorify God in Magdalene's case , and she bore the reproach knowing that He was being glorified for what He did for her.

I Missed The Sign !

2009-09-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

This might seem like a strange testimony .For me to know that there was a sign could count as remarkable.
Jesus said He was glad that the truth was revealed unto babes instead of the wise and prudent. I have to agree with Him, I want to agree with Him.
My hope tonight is that not following a sign , will not matter much to the over all plan of God.

A while back I blogged about how signs follow those who are being led by the Spirit. I was trying to prepare myself for the unusual.

So now that I am being led by the Spirit , things have started happening. I know for a non Christian this whole topic must sound crazy. If I dare project what they might be saying, " Okay, the signs follow but now you are concerned because you missed a sign , that was to aid you to go the right direction ?" Well, yes.

For the Christian knows all to well that the kingdom of God is a backward , completely opposite kind of journey from what the world would think make sense.

When people steal from you , (in the kingdom) you run them down , and like if they had taken your coat , you offer them your cloak.

In the kingdom when people speak ill of you and despite fully use you , you pray for them, that is you ask for good things to happen to them.

I guess you are getting the idea , so the signs that follow when one is being led by the Spirit , they kind of confirm and point at the same time, go this way. And I just did not think fast enough to follow through.

Well, tomorrow is another day. I will once again remember that I have been empowered by the Holy Spirit to choose to not sin and follow the Spirit where ever He leads me.

Oh, I was being led to give a word of testimony actually but blundered and missed a great opportunity , for a whole group of people , maybe five to twelve . Far more than read this blog.

The word of testimony was specific to that group and I am not being led to give it here.

Rather than just sluff off though I wanted to affirm , that when I ask the Spirit to allow me to know the will of my heavenly Father , the Spirit does respond to such requests.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Give Thanks

2009-09-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Matt 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

There is a real stigma to being a babe around the wise and prudent. Yet the wise and prudent have things hid from them, on purpose by the Father. If a babe was to point out something to the wise and prudent I doubt seriously that it would be an eye opener for the wise and prudent. No matter how many times you point something out to people unless it is a truth that the Father has revealed to them , they won't get it.

There does seem to be more success in sharing the truth if it has been revealed to my heart by the Holy Spirit.

That is why I want to truly believe some thing I do will be empowered by the Holy Spirit before I do it. If I know that I am just going to do to please, I think I might look real lame to God.

I think the way I move from A to Z is by following the word.

1 Tim 2:13 For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received [it] not [as] the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.

Suffering

2009-09-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony as always is a word of faith in God's word.
I read it ....I speak it .......I hear it..........I invite the Holy Spirit to give me a child like heart that will listen to Him as He helps me understand what it means and how to apply it to my life.

Sometimes the word of God is directly saying don't do like these people . Even while it is being written the words of the author expresses hope that "these people" will change from how they are doing. So I catch the Holy Spirit's teaching of how the change will happen.

Is it because someone says ,"don't do that," or because someone takes the time to help them understand how they came to do that in the first place. Giving them an idea of how to repent and go back and do this thing the right way.

My life is full of repentance. I am constantly going back and attempting to do things the right way.
The areas that I have the least repentance are the things that I have learned to let the Holy Spirit empower me to do.

Writing this word of testimony is a work of the Holy Spirit from the beginning to the end . May God be glorified as this soldier attempts daily to live under the blood of the Lamb and by the word of her testimony and love not my life even unto death.

Hebrews 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

I am encouraged today by the hope of being able to learn through the things I suffer .

As I look through God's word the Galatians were asked , "Have you suffered in vain?"
The Corinthians evidently could not grasp the purpose of suffering. They were all upset because they were suffering and they were blaming Paul. He spends who knows how many hours of trying to help them understand how to respond to their suffering so it will not be in vain.

I think history indicates they never did "get it."

I got , that I wasn't getting it either , a while back as the pastor of my church is teaching weekly from the book of 2 Corinthians. As helpful as it was to see "what" they were not getting, it felt a little like having a blind fold taken off my eyes and realizing that I too was dangerously close to a very steep cliff and a wrong step could throw me off into who knows what .

Now that I am beginning to understand that suffering always has a purpose , I not nearly as afraid as I was. I am learning and not nearly as afraid because what I am learning is that God's love is underneath and above , beside and all around me .

As I put my trust in Him I can be sure that He will help me understand , how to not let my suffering be in vain.

Unlike the Corithians I realize that Jesus did not come to give us a better life than He had.

He came to give us the same.

I Am Perfect And There Is Nothing About Me That I Need To Change

2009-09-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

According to God's Word I am being perfected in Christ Jesus. My perfectness will come through Him and from Him , therefore there is nothing that " I " need to change.

He has been given the authority and the power to do all things.

My need to change myself has just been terminated.

He is Lord of my life , therefore He will see that the work He has begun in me will be completed .

This one thing I can tell you for sure . He is not lazy ! He is not a procrastinator ! He does not quit when I whine ! He has all things worked together for my good . He saw me at the beginning and He knows my endless life with Him .

So today when I thanked Him for empowering me to eat like a thin person today , I knew that He saw me already thin. He sees me as a person freed from the sin of gluttony because He knows that He has already done the work needed for me to be perfected in Him.

I can share a word of testimony today that is the result of someone else sharing a word of testimony with me .
This person has a desire to see me as Jesus does.
Yesterday I went to be her helper to set things up for an activity involving a large community of people . I went thinking , "I am her last resort. Surely she wishes that she had other people to help her to set up today." So as we started in I was hoping that she would be encouraged when I told her that I had prayed and asked the LORD to help me be able to do what she asked , and that she would only have to tell me one time. "

Would you like to know what she said ? She said, "Diane , you do just fine." I then interrupted her and said ,"I know I just need to not worry about what people think! "
And then she said, " Diane I want you to listen to me . You are perfect and there is not one thing about you that you need to change. "

The reason this has meant to so much to me is because I know this person is believing in the same LORD and Saviour I do . Now I also know she knows Him as the One Who does the work in us.

So many people who say that they believe Jesus is their saviour , still act as though "they "need to work on their own perfecting. This gives me the idea that they expect me to work on my own perfecting . This is where I get all messed up because if I am suppose to do it , how can I let the LORD do it ? There is not room enough for me and God to work on me.

Diane has left the building ! Now LORD , You can build the house and I know that I will not labor in vain.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Psalms 127 :1 [[A Song of degrees for Solomon.]] Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain.

By The Blood of The Lamb

2009-09-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony has turned into a quest to be an over comer. There is a lot to each of the three signs that the over comers are given in Revelation .
What I have found is that it is not intended that I pick out one and do that for a while, then pick out another. Actually it is a three fold arena that I am to walk into all at once.
I had stopped writing a word of testimony for a while because I had felt like a failure .
Then I saw that I would only be a failure if I gave up. Once my perspective was aligned up with God's word , life became a joy to live again.
This makes for a better atmosphere for a word of testimony to be sure.
Some word of testimonies that I would like to share on line might bring discomfort for some people that I care about very much. So let me make a summarizing statement that covers several individuals and several different situations.

I have been seeing God work in their lives like I have never witnessed before. It is so exciting to visit with people now that have a word of testimony too.

In my own life I am also excited to see that God is working, leading, helping, encouraging, empowering me, loving me, helping me think soundly more than ever before.

I am just finishing up a 12 unit Bible study and had an idea that when this was done I should go back to another study that I had stopped in the middle of to start this one.
As I was completing this last lesson a section was devoted to the importance of waiting on the Lord. The scripture in the margin to back up what they were saying was found in Ps 130.
Suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps my Bible Study that I had set aside for awhile might be teaching on Ps 130. It had been so long since I had looked at it I could not remember. It is the Stepping Up Study by Beth Moore. When I found my book it just seemed right, I stopped a few pages short of finishing Ps 129 , close enough I think to go ahead and begin on Ps 130. The two studies just seem to tie into each other.
What a gracious loving God I serve. He brings me comfort in so many ways.

Who Am I in Christ Jesus ?

2009-09-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

For the past few testimonies I have been talking about doing things in the power of the Holy Spirit. The one area I have wanted this truth to be applied to my life is being thankful.

You see I realized that if I want the power of the Holy Spirit to be the power that turns me away from following my sinful nature then I better be letting the Holy Spirit work full time. To say to the Holy Spirit, "that's okay, I can do this without You," and then holler help when I could not do things without Him , just is not going to work.

He is not like water that comes out of a faucet. Turn on, turn off. No .

Now that I have started letting the Holy Spirit turn me towards thankfulness my joy has been restored. After all the kingdom is " righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost." When I started losing my joy , I knew it was because I was quenching the Spirit. It took me a while to figure out how to quit it.

For me following the Holy Spirit is like an adventure. Sometimes I feel as though I have been lifted up and see the big picture. My hopes get all stirred up when I realize that I will someday be a part of the bride of Christ. I can just imagine what a wonderful husband Jesus will be ! He'll never tell me I did a lousy job cooking the pork chops. He will be pleased with me every day. I really am looking forward to being with Jesus , full time.

Then I realize I have to day to live , here in this world.

Jesus said, "be of good cheer , I have overcome this world."

Now Jesus must have known that His overcoming the world would be a reason for me to be of good cheer. It must have something to do with that since I belong to Him , everything He has is mine.

The way that I see myself able to receive all that He has for me , will not be by something I do.

The way that I can receive what He has for me will be by me being empowered by the Holy Spirit .

There is nothing that I will be able to say that I have done myself.

The very fact that I want to be with Him is because He wanted me . The very desire I have for Him was produced by His own great love that He poured out on me .

Who I am in Christ Jesus is Forgiven and Free.

In The Name of Jesus

2009-09-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

Col. 3:12-17 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

I have a desire to do these things in the power of the Holy Spirit ,even being thankful . I was brought up to be a smiler. Oh you just don't know what an obedient child I was.
I thought smiling must be the answer to everything. If I smiled even Satan would go away. A false teaching I now realize so I am now not to concerned about smiling. I am more concerned about doing what I do in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Being thankful can appear like smiling. "Thank you," I can say, without much thought. However, am I thankful ? Do I just say , "thank you" to be polite or obedient ? Can the thankful heart that the LORD desires be a put on , kind of thankfullness ?

Since it is an order for the elect of God the Holy Spirit is sure to be able to help me do what my flesh does not want to do. I can chose to be thankful and then fall back into the Holy Spirit to help me follow through with my choice. Kind of like learning to float on water , maybe.
When I fall back believing for the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful , rather than I doing it in my strength I think I must believe in the power of the name of Jesus.

This is what the verse says , "do all in the name of the LORD Jesus." His name holds power and authority for those who believe.

Expectations

2009-09-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

My thoughts affect my feelings and my feelings can affect my actions. I would say when I am most at ease and living the abundant life Jesus gave me the thoughts , feelings and actions are all going the same way.

When I am aware that my thoughts are not going the way that Jesus would be thinking I can choose to have my thoughts brought captive to the obedience of Christ , or not.

I do not want to go with the "or not" but the doing of bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ can sure be a chore , sometimes.

I praise Him that I do not have to do this single handedly. The power of the Holy Spirit is within me and empowers me to bring those thoughts around.

I could say that I expect the Holy Spirit to empower me but that would be a false statement.
I have faith in God's word and believe the Holy Spirit will empower me , this is true.
That means when I put faith in God's word to be thankful , I knew I was building a house on a firm foundation .

So what does this mean that I can expect ? Nothing.
Expectations really have no place in the spirit led Christians life. There is no , if you follow this you will get this.

There is , if I follow Jesus I'll live the life and purpose for which I was created. How that will look to myself or other people is purely speculation.

I've had some experiences lately that has made me realize that I better go back and look again at my foundation. While taking a good look at what I was thankful for , and what I was not thankful for , I realized that I had put a lot of expectations into this equation that really may not fit.
On the other hand by realizing that I will (by choice) be thankful "in" the situation I will have what I have always wanted.

A life that glorifies Jesus.

On Sundays my pastor is teaching out of 1 & 2 Corinthians. Over and over I hear how Paul is writing a letter to these people and trying to help them understand some thing . Paul's love for these people is evident as he labors over and over again with his words to help them understand a thing that they don't. He tells them quite honestly your actions are an indication that you do not understand. If you understood your actions would be different. He is telling them the truth in love.

If I could understand how he was able to make this statement :
1 Cr 1:4 I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ;
I could then proceed on with my life as God intended.
I am glad that over and over again He brings me back to this place. Hopefully I will not take off this time with a false expectation or a delusion of some kind.

David Gusik says ,"Paul is sincerely thankful for God's work in them. " This reminds me of Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Who Has The Light Today?

2009-09-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

Since I have begun sharing more life experiences I feel that my word of testimony is becoming more to what the Holy Spirit wants from me.

The "word" is the word of God and the "testimony" is how I see it being experienced in me.

I see that the word being experienced by me it is then living in me.

So if I all I can take is one word and experience it , this would be better than sharing five words that I can not.

If the only word I can say is , "I have a thankful heart " this does not sound like a very interesting testimony to me.

Col 3:16 Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.

However to one who is troubling over the lack of understanding they have , it might be very interesting , especially if they are aware of what Romans 1:21 says..

Romans 1:21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

This is my word of testimony . I can see that even though I had set my heart to glorify God but became unthankful my vain imaginations started taking over. Even though I had once enjoyed having the eyes of my heart opened the darkness was coming in , due to a lack of thankfulness.

I have a friend that shared a word of testimony about thankfulness with me yesterday.
She said that when she realized that she did not have to be thankful "for" all things but thankful " in " all things , she was comforted.

Her sharing brought comfort to me too.

I am also trying to be aware of what I am truly thankful for or not. Those things that I am not thankful for I am taking to God and saying "Here is thing I am not thankful for. Please help me with this. I know the power of the Holy Spirit is available to help me here. Please help me receive His help. " Then I go back to being thankful for what I can be thankful for. There are a lot of things on this list that that the Holy Spirit has helped me to be thankful for. A lot of ugly things that I wondered how I could ever be thankful for, the power of the Holy Spirit moved me into place with God's word.

Oh, This Is Perfect !

2009-09-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

Eph 4:12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

Living under the blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony and loving not my life unto death seems way out there to me. Especially since I know where I am in this loving not my life unto death part.
However, I can remember a day that I was not living under the blood of the Lamb nor was I living by the word of my testimony. The only way these things became a reality for me was to head towards them .
Once I found this was what I really wanted to do , a lot of help came . I found other believers who believed that they also were to live under the blood of the Lamb. I found a few more who believe that the word of our testimony is just as important. I've found a small number who are just about where I am ,wanting to love not our lives even unto death .

So I share what light I have on the subject. They share what light they have. As we share this seems to produce more light for us. This sharing of the light I think is also a word of our testimony. This talking about the light that we have I think aids us to come to a sense of balance so that we can then walk in this light. The more I try to walk in the light , even if I fall down , the better it is for my spiritual growth process.

I have wanted to talk this week about the perfecting of the saints.

2 Cr 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Jesus was answering Paul's request to have an affliction removed from him. And then Paul says , "He will most gladly ..................(read above passage.)

I think I am beginning to catch on to why he could say , "most gladly. "

The other night my daughter and I attended a home group fellowship. I commented on how one way I saw to begin to change from following the flesh was to be thankful for all things. As an example I talked about wanting to be thankful while being the passenger when my daughter learns how to drive.
My daughter at first thought my comment would infer to the group that I thought she was a bad driver. So she said something relevant to that . Then she thought a minute and she said, "My mom has issues. "

She knows that is right. It is not about her driving. She is doing well for the amount of practice that she's had. It is about her mom having issues.

The unhealthy fear I have about riding with her is because of my issues. I am not looking forward to someday getting in the car and no fear. Because some fear is healthy. A certain amount of fear will keep me on my toes so to speak.

If I did not confess it to anyone , maybe no one would know that I have an unhealthy fear that I am trying to overcome. Almost everyone suspects that I just have an overly sensitive healthy fear and even though it keeps me grabbing at my seat and pushing the imaginary brake on my side, we'll make it.

And make it we will. For those who are traveling with me in this journey of how to love not our lives unto death they know that an unhealthy fear quenches the Holy Spirit . We believe that it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we move on into this giving of our lives . I am talking about being the same kind of Christian that Paul was.

He most gladly would rather glory in his infirmities that the power of Christ might rest upon him.

I started telling the LORD that I wanted to be thankful for all things. I have been thanking Him all week for all things that I was thankful for . I especially would start a prayer of thanksgiving when I began to feel the fear and dread of yet another driving excursion to come.

I do not know when He will chose to heal me of my issues but I am believing that His grace is sufficient for me. I also believe that His strength is made perfect in weakness. I most gladly then am glad that I have a weakness for His strength to be made perfect in.

Made perfect infers there is a progress to this process. I am not planning on keeping the weakness just because I am thankful for it. I believe that I will see these weaknesses in me replaced by His power .

Be It Unto Me

2009-09-03T01:28:00.000-07:00

Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

My word of testimony is a work in progress.
I have been talking about doing things not in my power but in God's power.
I pointed out a particular task that I know I must do but at this point still unable to do with out fear and dread.
I don't mind telling you what the task is but I certainly wish I could talk in generalities about it to other people.
Unfortunately when I tell them what the task is they do not seem to hear that I am wanting to do this in God's power.
They do not hear that I was feeling like a total failure because I was/have been doing it in my strength.

The "was feeling like a total failure" is just a few days ago and I do not want to go back there.

I do not feel like a total failure today because I see this is a work in progress. For one thing I realized to walk in the Spirit I have to chose to not walk in my flesh. Rather than take one giant step into the task and find that I can not do it in the Spirit , I have decided to take a smaller step.

My flesh certainly does not want to be thankful for this situation, however my spirit does want to be thankful.
My spirit wants to be thankful because I have asked the Father to help my will to line up with His word.

So now when ever I remember I must do this task , I chose to thank Him for the situation.

I wish I could thank Him just naturally but right now I am having to make a definite choice of my will to thank Him.

I am careful to thank Him also for all the things that come to my mind that He has done.
I realize this is bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ.
This one small step requires that I do it in His power. I could not be thankful that He is God and I am not , in my flesh. My flesh wants to be the boss you know.

But His Spirit does dwell within me and does give me the power to turn away from what my flesh wants to do .

My spirit and the Holy Spirit wants to be thankful for all things. I start where I can , in the Spirit and go as close to the task , that I do not want to do, as I can in my mind.

I try not to think about what will happen if I do not get this right soon.

I do think about what doing this task but with a wrong attitude , (which will quench the Spirit, ) will produce.

I remember a story about Moses' wife , Zipporah . Moses told her she must obey God and perform a task that she did not want to do. Well , she did it, however it was plain that she did not do it with a right spirit. In Exodus 4:25b she says, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me.

So with Zipporah being the least person I want to be like and Mary being the most like I want to be like I find myself on scale somewhere in between.

Not quite like Mary , but going that way. Choosing not to be like Zipporah and just do it and choosing to be like Mary who held the hope of a promise in her heart.

She endured many unpleasantness's because of her choice. Yet she believed that what was told her would happen.

A Word of Testimony

2009-09-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

My days have been full of uncertainty about many things. My attempt to fast ( a money fast) had been failing. Things were looking bleak and then they looked as though they could get worse than ever.
Above every thing else that I was trying to do , but could not do successfully , hovered this horrible awful fear.

There had been assigned to me , by a person , to do a task. I knew he was right to assign this task to me but every time I tried to do it, I was afraid. A horrible , horrible fear would grip me .

I began dreading the next time I would have to do this task.

The dread of knowing I was going to have to do this task , coming up, even the next day, would ruin the very day I was thinking about it.

No wonder my joy was beginning to slip a way from me. It has been a horrible 3 or 4 weeks.

I can not remember exactly when this started , but it was only getting worse and worse.

Finally I decided fear was a sin and I was going to start confessing my sin to God. While I was at it I decided I'd confess all kinds of other sins too.

The hard part about confessing a sin to God is that it must be done humbly. I must admit that all sin can only be blotted out by His Son's blood and that I myself can not remove my sin for Him.

I know my parents meant well when they taught me to be sorry for something I did wrong. This is how most situations were addressed. "Are you sorry ?" "Yes" "Are you going to do it again ?" "No."
So what I learned about being sorry was , don't do it again. But with God it is not be sorry , don't do it again , in your power. It is be sorry and don't do it again in His power.

Even better is receive His grace for having done the sin , He has forgiven me.
That means the fear I have while riding in the passenger seat as my daughter learns to drive. Some times fear is healthy. What if I become so calm that I forget she still is learning to drive so I don't look to see if she has noticed the up coming stop light ?

However, this miserable existence that I had made for myself had to stop.
Finally I said to the LORD, "I know I should not be afraid. I know that it is a sin. I know that I have asked You to take this sin away. "

Then I thought about what really was making me so miserable. It wasn't the fear. It wasn't the list of things that I felt I should do but just couldn't do. It was that I was pulling back from Him. I was projecting that He should be waiting for me to say , "I'm sorry and I won't do it again." He was not doing that , this was my projected opinion of how a righteous and just God would be responding to my mess.

I told Him that I wanted to praise Him. I did not ask Him if it was alright. I just decided that He was worthy, is worthy and would always be worthy of my praise.

I know to obey is better than sacrifice. However, since I can not obey , I will continue to try , I will praise Him. He is still doing great . It is me with all the mess.
I will praise Him when I remember that I have to ride in the car with my daughter.
I will praise Him when I remember how much I dread it and how afraid I am.
I will praise Him when I am not sure if I am going to be able to stick to the money fast.
I will praise Him when the list of I shoulds don't get done today.

He is still doing a great job. I praise Him for creating the heavens and the earth. I praise Him for loving me. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart to see His light. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart and giving me power to turn away from the power of Satan. I praise Him for His river of forgiveness that runs beautiful and deep for me to drink of. I praise Him for the inheritance that I have along with all the saints who are sanctified by their faith in Him.

Also I have decided to read Psalm 91 at least once a day.

Praying God's Word

2009-08-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

When I ask the Holy Spirit where am I in the word , the answers make sense to me. Not because it is theologically correct or going to line up with any one's (even my own) ideas about what the Spirit is really saying in these passages.
However, this is where my joy in the Holy Ghost comes from. These passages of scripture come to me and day after day I see them as a light unto my path. A very great help in time of need.

My greatest need , He cares about. When I hear the Spirit's comforting words I am caught up in Him.

Isaiah 42: 5-7 Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, [and] them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.

The above verses are the vision statement for the church I attend.

He 's Alive

2009-08-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

There were two men in shiny garments who spoke to the women who had come into the sepulchre where they thought Jesus would lay. Luke 24:5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down [their] faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?

"Why seek ye the living among the dead ?" What a question to ask women who were in mourning.
"Why seek ye the living among the dead ? "It made perfect sense to the two men in shiny garments.

I hope you understand I am trying to get my own word of testimony spread out here so I can live it.

I want to not seek the living among the dead any more.

These last days have produced for me a confidence that I am not to be of this world , just in it.

So people of the world seek the living among the dead. Until they are asked , "why are you doing that ?"

I have been trying to get a clear picture of what it looks like to live in the world but not be of the world. At the same time remember that it is with the power of the Holy Spirit that I want to turn away from being of the world. With a spirit of love, power and a sound mind.

I am currently reading the story of The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis. The allegorical story portrays someone who became obsessed with vengeance for his mother's death. While acting on this obsession he is trapped by an enchantment and loses all his freedom. As the story unfolds two children are sent to set him free. It is alright to accept help and Puddleglum agrees to go with them.

I think it is interesting that the way Prince Rilan handled his grief for his mother's death had something to do with his getting caught by the temptress.

I think it is a wonderful story and I hope it is a God blessed creation. Mainly because the called to be heroes keep messing up. Yet they are able at the last to do what they have been sent to do and help Prince Rilan be set free. Also these children were willing to do things in a totally different way than those of the world had done before them. They had some instruction of course .

There will be showers of blessing

2009-08-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Acts 3:19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

There is an old song that goes : There will be showers of blessing , showers of blessing we need, mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead.

I realize that fast is not always best. Although I know I stand before the Father covered with the righteousness of Jesus , I want the conversion experience. I want to be converted from a person who is no longer is resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious , withdrawing from God and unbelieving .

I am looking forward to a time of refreshing. When I thank Him for His grace and mercy He blesses me with His presence. Learning who I am in Christ Jesus has broken down a barrier for me that otherwise would keep me thinking that being in His presence is to good for me.

So I've learned to experience what is my inheritance.

I have learned that this inheritance is not to be squandered.

This does not mean that it is okay to withdraw from God until I see evidence that I am now no longer a resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious person . No , because the "just shall live by faith." However, faith is the evidence of things not seen . So if I continue to see evidence of resentment , (and so forth) I better recount my conversion experience. Some thing's gone array.

Number one question I am going to ask myself is : Was it by the power of the Holy Spirit that I turned from resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw ? Or was it by my own power ?

My Pastor used such a good analogy this past Sunday. It has stuck with me all week as I've been dealing with this sin problem that crept back into my life .

The analogy was of how he had taught his daughter to learn to float on water. To save time I won't go into all the details but the point was , floating was possible. He just had to insist that she stick with trying it until she did it.

Because I can make a good resemblance of not having sin in my life with very little power from the Holy Spirit , even I may think I am floating as it were , when I am not. Not until something comes up that makes it hard to stay on top do I realize I am sinking like a rock.

What do I do then ? Well, I think you already have the picture .

I praise God for mercy drops falling a round me, but for the showers I plead.

Drink of this Water

2009-08-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

Acts 26 verses 16 and 17 Jesus tells Paul he is being sent ;
Acts 26:18 To open their eyes, [and] to turn [them] from darkness to light, and [from] the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.

Before Jesus told Paul to do this , Paul's eyes were opened, he turned from darkness to light. Paul turned from the power of Satan and turned to the power of God. Paul received forgiveness of sins. Paul also accepted that he would be given an inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ.

Paul drank the water.

I picture forgiveness of our sins as a clear beautiful stream of water that flows near enough for us to see. However just seeing it is not enough. Turning away from the darkness to light , turning away from the power of Satan unto the power of God can happen because my eyes are open. I can turn away from bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .

I can turn away from those things unto the power of God.

I can receive forgiveness for my sins of bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .

I can and I do by the power of God , the love of God and with the sound mind that God has given me. I do these things and more.

I receive who I am in Christ Jesus . I am in that great group of people who are being sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ . We have an inheritance that we will not squander. We accept that all that is in our father's house is ours. He loves us and we love Him. We do not work in the field because we have to earn his approval. We are there because we love Him.

I know you have heard this before . This is and was and will be my testimony everyday I live in Christ Jesus. An other life style is not living it is existing .

Living a new life style is sometimes hard to stick with . The old ways start creeping in and instead of turning from them , they seem to turn me.

In the power of His name I can do all things. I can stop resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw from turning me. I can turn away from them and go drink of the water of forgiveness , today.

By Jove, I think I got it !

2009-08-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

When I think about what kinds of situations are going on in my life , I often find a testimony. Somehow a rumor got started that things always come in threes. I don't know about that, how ever I have been amazed how I can find something in common with my biggest problems . Sometimes just realizing the common denominator as it were is the very thing that helps me take the problems to God and He fixes them. Also , the log and speck theory works well for me. If someone is bugging me, do I have a log in my eye that kind of looks like their speck ? Sure enough , and am I willing to go to the throne room of grace and receive grace and help in time of need ? Only then can I give the grace to that person who has a little bitty speck that looks like my log.

I have noticed every time I want to do something for the LORD it requires His strength . Before He gives His strength it seems He wants me to receive His grace for my weaknesses .
I like the way He has everything planned out. He is so wise.

You may find this hard to believe but I have been in the mullygrubs because there are some people I care about that just don't seem to "get it!" No, I am not going to tell you what "it " is , only that " it " represents something I see about their lives that they just don't .

I was getting tired of these mullygrubs. Not much fun and it has definitely been quenching the Spirit thus a lack of Word of Testimony. As I was sitting and meditating yesterday morning before church I thought about what we are studying in 2 Corth. Wasn't Paul kind of having the same kind of problem ? These people just didn't get it. Oh, but they thought they did get it and that Paul was the one who was crazy. Somehow I began to feel a whole lot better.

You know how Paul said, "Rejoice in the LORD always and again I say , rejoice." Well, I think he meant to say that to me. I also think there could not have been a better time in the world for my pastor to teach on 2 Corth. 8:16-24. Those words he spoke to me yesterday just brought me alive again.

The main scripture and my word of testimony for today is : 2 Corth.8:16 But thanks be to God who puts the same earnestness on your behalf in the heart of Titus.

I am thanking God that He puts earnestness in hearts of people like my pastor. I am thanking God for the many Titus' in the body of Christ that there are. I am thanking God for messengers who minister or serve for the glory of God.

I am thanking God that I finally "got it", something I am sure others might of seen but I could not for some reason. I "got it " now .

The Word of My Testimony

2009-07-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

From the very beginning of my life I was made to know that a God existed. This God that I was taught about is not like the God I know today. I believe that I am in a process of knowing the Creator of the Universe , His Father and the Holy Spirit. People sometimes marvel when I tell them that I am most grateful for the parents God chose for me to raised by. My testimony is sincere. I was raised by parents who believed God wanted us to know Him. This "know Him" to them meant the kind of "knowing" one would get from being around Him. He was always there I was told. We were to walk with Him, talk with Him, invite Him into our hearts ( a concept I really did not get until I became an adult ), please Him ( by obeying my parents ) to name a few of the lessons I remember from my youth.

The walk with Him and talk with Him never left me. This belief has been the thread that has pulled me through my whole life.

Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

I became aware that there was an opposing force that did not want me to know God, nor walk with Him or talk with Him. I think that force began working at trying to hinder my quest even at the moment I was conceived. I however have taken a great interest in learning how to overcome that force. Here in Rev 12:11 I read a truth.

New Land !

2009-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Deut. 31:6 Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

Jesus tells us that the enemy has come to lie, steal and destroy but He has come that we might have life and life more abundantly.
Since He is the Life that He was referring to, He was saying , "You have Me. " When the lies comes , I have Jesus to tell me the truth. When I see the enemies plan to steal stuff, I have Jesus to tell me how to respond so that the stuff will not be taken. When I hear the enemy say, "I will destroy you." I say, "No, I have Jesus, you can not destroy me, my life is His."

I have rejoiced every time truth has come when the enemy had sent a lie. I saw that the principle was basically the same when the enemy came to steal . It has taken me awhile to "really" understand. That day when I totally understand will probably be the day that I see Jesus. However, every day that my understanding is increased I see it as a day that means I have more light than I did the day before. More light means so much. If you have ever tried to function in a very dark room just the way you would in a room filled with light , you know the difference. In the dark room I am fumbling around hoping to touch the item I am looking for , then fumbling some more to take the item where I want to use it.

As light comes to my understanding about what it means to have Jesus with me when the enemy comes to lie, steal and destroy I feel as though I am entering land I have never been in before. Land that the enemy once thought he would successfully keep away from me. Maybe he even thought his lies would keep me from trying to walk in the land that was mine.

I want my word of testimony to be more than just a repetition of what you and I can read in the Bible every day. I want to say this : I once thought it would be impossible to love my enemies. I once thought that to bless those who curse me , was beyond anything that I could do. But now that I have Jesus , all things are possible. If I can give the truth in love to those around me, I will be walking into a new land. If I can say to the LORD ," I surrender to You all that I was hanging on to before. I receive from You new garments of warfare , the ones only You could create and the ones You have said for me to wear." Then I won't need to tremble or be afraid. The LORD my God will be with me and the stuff that belongs to me , show me how You want me to go about getting it .

Life and life more abundantly is not laying around on the ground like manna to go and pick up like it was when I was in the wilderness. That season is over and has been for quite a while. The Life and Life more abundantly requires that I receive as much of Jesus into my life as I possibly can. It means that I do not ignore the Holy Spirit but welcome Him into my life. It means that I expect everything that happens , happens for good. It means that because Jesus is with me I expect to be able to forgive those who persecute me and love those who despite fully use me.
Not because I am anything, but because the LORD my God is ! My God did those things ! My God , the One Who I want to be my only God, that One , He did all those things and He is with me.

Building The Walls of Jerusalem

2009-06-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Zechariah 4:6 "Not by might nor by power; but by my Spirit," says the LORD Almighty.

Families and our need for relationships is all a part of the divine plan of God . If Jesus had not thrown that part about He would be returning for His Bride , the church , I might just over look the whole relationship thing. Except for that part I could just hold on to the most important ten and feel pretty good about myself.

Aha, no that is just exactly what He did not want. He did not want me feeling good about myself based on what I can do. His plan is that I should feel good about myself because I have said , "Yes", to His invitation to come and be a part of the Bride of Christ.

Saying "yes," means I will be learning how to live with others , yes even loving others , His way.
That means my children too. I believe my children are special to the LORD, just as I am special. He is looking to see what I am going to give them as an inheritance.

I am so fortunate to belong to the Kingdom's economy system. Just as Peter told the beggar sitting at the gate of the temple , so can I say to my children , "silver and gold have I none ." What the Spirit of the LORD has given me , I want to give to you.

I have a friend who really has a vision for seeing every day as a wall building day. "Just keep being obedient to the LORD ,do what He has told you to do." I love talking to her about this because it is a truth revealed to her heart by the HOLY Spirit. Her word of testimony has inspired me so many times to keep going and not give up.

If I Being Evil

2009-06-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Luke 11:13 If ye then ,being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father give to them that ask Him.

Also this word Matt. 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever. Amen.

I have been looking at giving good gifts to my children. Maybe that is why I am becoming so aware of the evil that is in me. I certainly want to spend my time and energy on giving good gifts to my children . I have some children who have realised the best gifts are those from above. Any gift that I can receive from above they see it as treasury in their bank accounts. This certainly is a blessing to me because grace needs a face on it sometimes.

I have not had to hide who I really am from my children. They really know and believe with me for the grace of God. If my righteousness was dependant on works there would be no good thing. Not a thing.

My desire is to be rid of as much evil as possible before I die. The very evil that I am most aware of is prejudice and being prejudice towards those who are prejudice. I am seeing a pattern here. Do you remember that day that I saw I wanted to stop making people my idols and I wanted to stop wanting to be an idol to people ?

Seeing this pattern here has reminded me of a hiding style they talk about in Dr. John Townsend's book Hiding From Love. One style was a peaks to pits described by the defensive behavior : Goes from idealizing a relationship to devaluing it. Recommended steps : Accept own mediocrity and that of others.

Okay , well I think the scriptures that LORD has given for today will help me do that. Jesus had relationships with people whom He knew inside out. He knew how evil they were yet He did not devalue them. He also did not put them on a pedestal and say , "Oh you are so special because you realize that I am the son of God." He just related to them like they were one of His Fathers children. He seemed to understand that we needed a lot of encouragement to believe that His Father really did want to treat us as good as He does. He wants to give us really good gifts.

Finding Help

2009-06-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

There was a person that I saw frequently that I disliked being around. Whenever I was reminded of how much I disliked this person I would feel sad. I prayed that I would be able to love this person but nothing seemed to happen. Then one day I saw this person in the company of someone else and the someone else just seemed to have an abundance of love for the person I disliked so much. Just seeing that someone else could love the dislike able person gave me the hope that I needed . My prayers continued for love but with hope. It wasn't long and someone else came around this unloved person by me, and exhibited great love. Once again I marveled . It had to be a miracle that they did not have the same problem that I had. They only saw the good things about this person , even though while in their presence I saw good reasons to dislike the dislike able person. The others who loved had a very positive impact on me.
And then one day a miracle happened for me. The dislike able person became a person that I loved. The behaviors that I still disliked did not prevent me from loving the person. I wasn't sad then.
I get up every day with the hope God will be glorified today. I try to remember that I follow the Spirit , He brings forth the glory.
One thing that I am glad that I have learned is to not limit God to answering my prayers , my way. If I want to love someone , He can help me anyway He wants.
He brought back the memory of how He helped me love before by bringing other people around who could love. I began to pray that God would bring people through whom He could show His love through for the people I dislike now. As I did this I saw that I was letting Him take a great burden off my back. My care of wanting to love had become a burden that I was falling under. But when I let it go telling Him He could use anyone to love through that He wanted , I realized that meant that He could even use me.
I feel as though I have begun a vigil for missionaries. For these unknown who will show the love of Christ to these unlikeable people in my life surely they will benefit from my prayers.
I have peace and joy once more. I am not focused on my producing a love. I am believing in His unfailing love showing itself somewhere , someway, His time table and for His glory.

The word of my testimony today is 1 John 3 :1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called the children of God, and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Help In Time of Need

2009-06-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

The dog catcher killed a dog ! The story heard from a person I know goes : that she was called at work to come home , that her dog was foaming at the mouth. When she arrived home the dog catcher was there . He said, "You have been starving your dog. I am taking your dog away. " The person I know pointed out to him that water and food were right there available for the dog to get to if it wanted. However, the dog catcher ignored this evidence and insisted she had been starving her dog. Took the dog to the pound and when the person I know arrived he told her she had to watch him put the dog to sleep, (death by injection.)

My word of testimony today is Hebrews 4:15 & 16 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

It is times such as this that I must obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. If this dog catcher is a brother in Christ ( it is possible ) I need to forgive him. Right this minute I must obtain mercy because according to my feelings , I do not forgive him.

Did you read that last sentence ? My thoughts produce feelings and so I judge a lot about how I am doing on my feelings. However, I am right now working on bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ . This would be the ground work for being able to forgive this person who used such bad judgement .

Only God knows my heart , even I do not know if in my heart I am able to forgive this person.
I have evidence that I have forgiven others for doing some very horrible things. I could only tell that I had forgiven when others who did similar things , I was able to respond as one who forgives. These things of which I speak were done to me. Now I will see if I can forgive someone who hurts a person I know.

I think of Corrie Ten Boone who forgave those who caused her sister and father great emotional pain before they were killed. I think of Paul who was able to forgive those people who were killing his fellow believers and preach Christ to them. I think of people that I know personally who count their lives successful when they forgive those who trespass against them.

The glory God wants comes from something He does in me. I will be going boldly to His throne of grace today to obtain mercy , and find grace to help in time of need.

I Live By Faith

2009-05-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

Who am I ? A house cleaner , a mother , a church attender , a .......................
The list could go on and on. As a person who once placed their self worth on doing things right , I realize how I had lost my identity. I could not tell you what I really liked to do. I couldn't see my self , by my self . Every attempt to view the real me was always based on the projection of how others viewed me and that would be what "job" they thought I was. To tell you what I really liked to do was based on what I thought would help me do my job better .

Then the light came on and I began to see all this as making myself a self made idol. How well I cleaned a house , how well my children did , how much I knew about God , .......................... was in fact what I wanted people to see , and I wanted very much for it to be good.

Fortunately for me , the light in my life has come gradually. For every bit of light , I have been given opportunity to walk in it , then more light was given . So my journey did not start yesterday. With my word of testimony I talk about the light I have to walk in to today.

Sometimes it seems as if I am being asked to walk through a room that has barely enough light to help me navigate around couches, big chairs and little foot stools. Still I want to try. Every time I try , even when I make mistakes, or fall down, I learn that the God I serve is glorified .
He would rather I took the talent He has given me and do something , rather than nothing.

What began as a desire to be in right relationship with the Holy Spirit has brought me to the place that I am this morning. I talk about following the Spirit , and I do, by faith I do. As Romans 8 tells all who believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God can choose to follow the Spirit.
What about my relationship with this Spirit ? What is it suppose to be like ? ( I still have this desire to have it right , but God's way, not my own.)

All of these words of testimony lead to live my life God's way. I sense that His Way is not to serve Him as others serve other gods. He wants connection , He wants love , He wants to be my only God .

At times I would pray this prayer. Heavenly Father , I ask that You would help me to not grieve the Holy Spirit , or quench the Holy Spirit , or deny the power of the Holy Spirit , or lie to the Holy Spirit . In Jesus name I ask Amen.

These four things I found in the Bible to not do. The "to do " I think is found in this passage . Once again I remind myself that it is better to try to walk in the light rather than sit and do nothing because I am afraid that I won't do it "right".

The word of my testimony today is Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

His Banner

2009-05-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

I feel so released from a lie that the enemy had told me ! Truth has power ! It is worth the time it takes to seek the truth ! Truth that it is revealed by the Holy Spirit comes not from man a lone. It may be the good news that man brings but it is the Holy Spirit that brings that news to light and gives it the power to set captives free.

While a light burning can become brighter and brighter , truth can become more powerful as I let the Holy Spirit have it to make real to me. It is God's desire that I glorify Him. It is the enemies desire that I don't . He uses many tactics to accomplish his goal. My King and LORD uses many ways to show me the enemy is defeated, under the feet of my LORD.
The choice is mine , every day . If I choose to give God glory , so be it. When I choose to give God glory I am saying in my heart , "I believe that God can bring His glory forth through me. I will not hide. I will believe. "

One tactic the enemy has wanted to use to convince me to hide , has been shame. Once again I am faced with the opinion of man , that a lot of times agrees with the opinion of the enemy , instead of God the creator of heaven and earth.

Since this new light has begun to come on in my life and reveal the truth about shame , I have been amazed at how accustomed I had been to accepting shame.
The other day some one was telling a real life story about his self. He stated " I don't think I should tell this. " After he was done, I agreed , "I don't think you should have told that." Just why did I say that ?

Because of shame. It has become a customary thing to not talk about mistakes or sins because of shame. Even as a God fearing , Bible believing Christian , who has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus , I hesitate to let my brothers and sisters say what they will , because of shame.

This is because even when Truth becomes real , the enemy doesn't stop. He wants to quench this fire light , not let it get brighter. So I have to practice believing. I have to learn to think new thoughts and learn to act on what I believe.

For some reason I have felt like I need to put a banner up in front of my house. Like a flag of the United States that is put in front of a building showing those inside are citizens of the US. I feel like I need to show a banner saying , "I am redeemed. "

I am not sure I will find an exact scripture to support this , but I found one that shows Jesus desires to declare a statement over me with a banner. He desires to seat me at a banqueting table and a banner over me would say "LOVE" .

My word of testimony today is Sgs. 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me [was] love.

Redemption for Shame

2009-05-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Ps 107:2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say [so], whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;

I am learning to enjoy the benefits that God has given me. I feel sure this is what He wants me to do. I base that feeling on the knowledge that it cost Him a lot to give these benefits to me. He is glorified when I receive what He paid such a great price for. He is exalted by the glory that is revealed by the benefit that I am able to receive.

My word of testimony today is a new practice of mine. After so many years of believing that I should be ashamed, it is taking practice to believe that I should not. As I read Ps 107 I can almost hear the conversation and the admonishment of the LORD , do not be ashamed !
I hear, "You did this, got you in trouble, you cried out to the LORD, He heard you and delivered you out of your trouble, because you are His redeemed ! "

The redeemed should not be ashamed ! The redeemed are His , those He responds to when they call up0n Him. What a blessing to be His !

Do I want to stop being an idolater ? Do I want to stop wanting others to idolize me ? Yes , I do.

Am I glad that when I realize I have gotten myself into a bad place because of my sinful life style that I can call upon Him and He will deliver me out of my distresses ? Yes , I am. One more thing let me add on to being glad about. I do not have to be ashamed.

Bless Me

2009-05-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Gen 28:12 And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.

When I read the story around this event in the Bible I find that God took the time to give Jacob confirmation that if He would be Jacob's God that He would bless him.

As I want God to be my only God I think that I also am blessed. Every time the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, becomes brighter, I look up to God and say , "thank you." It is just such a different life than I use to live. Freedom is way to describe it. I once was bound to man's opinion and what man wanted me to do. I now can enjoy the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Freedom , joy , peace, now I have a life. Now I really live.

I am not sure why I was drawn to read about Jacob's ladder today. Maybe it was to remind me that I have found the Way to God and I do not have to ask to be blessed. I am blessed. All that the Father has is mine , all my needs , and all that I desire , right there for me to enjoy.

Every day He confirms to my heart that I am blessed. Since I live for His glory all that I desire is that, all that I have bless Him and glorify His name.

Truth In Love

2009-05-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

Gal 5:26 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

My word of testimony today is that I am Christ's and I am learning to crucify the flesh with its passions and desires. I know why Paul felt it important to give this instruction to the Galatians. If the Galatians were so bent towards doing things "right" (like me) then the pride that immediately follows from doing something "right" always pops up, (if they were like me.) That is why it is so important to me to do things in love. I am tired of doing things "right" only to find out that it is hay, wood and stubble to God. I would rather have something I do take a long time and it truly be a manifestation of the fruit of love. Surely a good work that is done in this way will be profitable to the kingdom of God. He has had enough hay , wood and stubble from me. I hope with all my heart to bring Him some gold.

The truth that has been worked into my life with love , brings forth the fruit I have always wanted. God's love plants the seeds. God's love waters the seeds. God's love brings forth the increase. Anyone that has a desire for God also has a desire for more of God. Like any relationship it can grow in the direction of my desire.

Envy might be a tempter towards idolatry. I found myself envious of other's who have nice hair dos the other day. I began to think, "Surely being ugly for Jesus ," is not right. I must have a nicer hair do. Then I remembered ," man looks at the outward appearance , but God looks at the heart." That is all good and fine but what if God is not helping other people see my heart ? Then I thought , "Lord, let me see what You would see. "

I love His truth in love.

He sees a heart that wants Him to be it's only God. To worship Him and serve Him only. He sees a heart that longs to praise Him in everything I do. He sees a heart that is uncomfortable with pride and resists the temptation to pull away from Him even when I sin. He sees my bad hair day in my heart and today He sees me say , "I don't care." "I throw down that fleshly idol. I remove it from my heart."

His Glory

2009-05-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is 2 Cr 4: 17 & 18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

For many years I had this scripture written out and placed where I could see it first thing every morning. I remember getting up every day, reading this scripture, going through my day , and constantly looking forward to night again , so I could sleep and escape my miserable life. Before I would close my eyes I would pray that perhaps I would have a good dream and thus have some happiness in my life. When I talk about depression now , I talk about it as one who had spent time in prison. The memories are not pleasant but I am glad that I do not forget.

Every now and then , usually at least one time a day , I look up and smile at God and say, "thank you, I just felt happy, thank you so much." The truth I share as my word of testimony today is that God's word does not return void. Even though I did not feel happy , I did not feel joy except in brief encounters of His presence , I did not have any evidence that what I felt was making me miserable would change, there was a weight of glory being produced.

Today I am faced with a light affliction. It seems to be on a scale of lightness going to just that place before I can not be happy if it gains one ounce more. However, every time it just about tips the scale and my happiness becomes quenched , I remember the race that I am running for His glory. I realize that for every second that I respond to the problem the way that Jesus would it is producing a weight of glory that I will know about eternally . For all eternity a light will shine through me that will glorify God. I have the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to show me how to respond to my problems in such a way that a weight of glory will be produced.

How cool is that ? I can only be happy then. This problem becomes a blessing as I see it as a glory producing agent for my LORD. This problem is really at my feet as I use it to go on and run this race , for His glory.

Speaking The Truth In Love

2009-05-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

The One Who knows me best , loves me most.

Two weeks ago I began a 12 week Bible Study Workbook by Pat Springle titled Untangling Relationships . It was not long after I began reading that the Holy Spirit began convicting me of idolatry. Unfortunately the spirit of condemnation has wanted to walk in the same door. This problem with condemnation has been an ongoing problem with me .

Finally today I told God I needed to hear from Him but I was aware that the condemnation was compelling me to pull back from Him.

And so He showed me the picture of the woman at the well. What He said to her, He is willing to say to me. Yes, a part of the conversation brought out the truth. She was living with a man, not married. Truth for me , I am an idolater and I want to be an idol for others .
There is another story where Jesus talks to the woman the Pharisees wanted to stone for adultery. Jesus tells her He does not condemn her, go and sin no more.
But this codependency thing is so tricky. I can go along thinking that I am helping people from a truly right motive , and then all of a sudden it shows up to me, that no , I did not have a right motive. How can I say to Jesus I will go and not sin ?

I think the answer comes from the place that I have learned about other addictions.

First of all it is impossible to do this thing without God. Backing away from Him is never the answer. I must receive His grace , which means that He is willing to love me and treat me just the same . What I am planning on doing today , has a right motive or what I am planning on doing today , has an undercover motive of idolatry/wanting to be an idol . When I receive His grace it means I believe He will love me and treat me just the same , regardless of my motive. It is this hard concept about His character that I must receive. His love is unconditional .

Second , I prepare to live my life without sin. I study this workbook about codependency and I meditate on the scriptures from the Bible. I do not claim to be something I am not . I claim to be preparing to be a person who does not sin against God. I will look at myself with truth in love because this is the way Jesus is looking at me.

My word of testimony revolves around my request that He be glorified.

Matt 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Blessed be the LORD Who brings forth His glory through me .

And Now I See

2009-05-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony for today is 2 Cr 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

With my testimony today I give praise to God for the light He has shined in my heart. His light that He so graciously chose to shine in my heart I praise Him for and thank Him for.
The more I appreciate and thank Him for this light the more He gives me !

I have wished with all my heart that I would not make mistakes that cause problems for other people. Only I alone can know the depths of that desire . It may sound like a wish that even God would consider granting . The God Who created the universe and Who can do all things well , has chosen not to grant my request and I do make mistakes that cause problems for others.
With great delight I can tell you of a request that I am sure He will grant.

"Glorify Thy name Lord." It is easier to say , "Glorify Thy name Lord, " when I do what appears to be right. The same faith that I put in action when I did that right thing can also be applied to my mistakes. After all He is the One Who brings forth the "glory." Take my mistake and glorify Thy name I believe is a request that He will honour.

With my word of testimony today I also give praise to the One who promises to give me the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
What stood out to me today was "the knowledge" part of this promise. I think that God is willing give me knowledge for the purpose of glorifying His name.

I have asked Him for knowledge and understanding about a great many things. Without even connecting at times for what reason I was asking for this knowledge. When I say, "Father, I have need of this ..................." I know He hears me. I now thank Him for the knowledge of what to do with what I have been given , that it will glorify God in the face of Jesus Christ.

I think that "in the face of Jesus Christ" means that Jesus' life gave us this light so we might glorify God. Jesus lived His life out loud for the Father. He was intent on our being able to know the Father through His actions. It requires knowledge from the light shone in our hearts to know how to look at Jesus' life and discern how we can glorify God.

However, let me remind myself one more time. It is God who brings forth the glory.

For His Glory

2009-05-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today Rev 14:7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.

Giving all glory to him comes from the understanding that all things come from Him. A good place to start is with creation . Understanding that with His word all came into being , creates within me a reverence and a fear. I enjoyed watching Earth the other day on the big screen. Huge pictures captured a glimpse of His workmanship . That this creator of all things knows how many hairs are upon my head and wants me to know Him just fills my heart with delight.

Lately I have been making some mistakes. Yet He has not changed His mind about wanting me to follow Him. He has not given up on me. In fact the mistakes really are not bothering Him as much as I thought at first. Yes, there is a big picture to consider , and if I just continue making these same mistakes , the fruit He would expect to be on the vine , will not be there.

However, my quest right now is to give Him all glory for what is here.

How Fast Is Fast Enough ?

2009-05-12T05:39:00.000-07:00

I have skipped leaving my testimony for a few days. The understanding for "where am I?" has needed to catch up with "the where I am." I have a testimony for understanding but that was yesterdays news so here is today's word of testimony.

I run a race each day that is to bring glory to God.

Just how well do I need to do ? As a man thinketh so is he. If I judge myself too harshly I will automatically judge others by the same measure. Yet, I am aware of "a just God." Do I want to cut myself slack and end up in a very fiery end ?
Since I know that I will be judged according to how I judge others , I want to be fair about the answer to my question. REALLY !

This is going to be an on going word of testimony so today I will talk about this part.

When judgement day comes , am I going to be standing there with a bag of excuses ????
Or am I going to be there with fruit ???? The fruit of the Spirit to be more exact.

Staying with my topic of excuses , I pick out this scripture to be my word of testimony today.
Matt 8:22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.
The same story but Jesus' statement is said in just a little bit different way , Luke 9:60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.

What excuses have I been using for not running this race as fast as I can ?
I could make this blog really long right now if I were to start listing them.
For sake of time I will make a general observation. What I perceive as a necessity may not be what God perceives as necessity. Today I will be asking God to show me what excuses I have been using and how shall I go about getting rid of them.

The Joy of the LORD is OUR Strength

2009-05-08T05:33:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Neh 8:10 Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for [this] day [is] holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

I have often read the surrounding scriptures to this passage . Their story is similar to mine right now in a lot of ways. I have been asking for understanding . Neh 8:8 So they read in the book in the law of God distinctly, and gave the sense, and caused [them] to understand the reading. I realized worshiping God and praising Him for His goodness precedes the eyes of my heart being opened. Neh 8:6 And Ezra blessed the LORD, the great God. And all the people answered, Amen, Amen, with lifting up their hands: and they bowed their heads, and worshipped the LORD with [their] faces to the ground.

Even as these things were taking place in my life I knew " it " would be coming. The it being a repentance . The word gives an understanding of what repentance looks like . Sometimes the way to get from a life style that does not include the kind of thinking or those kind of actions, is very hard to get to. The people listening to Ezra realized repentance was going to be different than what they had been doing. A sorrow set in , but Ezra realised that they were not going to be able to perform the repentance in a sorrowful , heavy , downcast state. So he encourages them, "yes, "(I believe he was saying.) "Yes, do make a change in your life style . Yes, do apply the understanding you have been given to your lives. However, do it joyfully . For the joy of the LORD is your strength. "

If he said, "the joy of the LORD " was available to them , then it surely is available to me. The old way of thinking that says, "you get joy after you have earned it," does not come from any Bible based line of thought. Now "more" joy , yes, maybe. However, God never expected me to perform a repentance or be joyful because of something I can do on my own. The "joy of my salvation" certainly comes from nothing I have done to earn it. Only receive it.

I have a great desire to extend the same grace and give the same love to others that Christ has given me. This can only happen if I am able to receive it from Him. While I am in process of receiving I turn again and give it out. This seems to make room for more to be given to me.

"Blessed be the LORD. May the joy of the LORD be our strength. "

For Our Example Jesus Washed Feet

2009-05-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is 1 Sam 25:41 And she arose, and bowed herself on [her] face to the earth, and said, Behold, [let] thine handmaid [be] a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.

Today is a day that I seek repentance. Abigal was a woman of understanding. Her understanding not only benefited herself but the lives of many who were under the authority of Nabal. Nabal it seems was not a man who feared God and never gave it a thought to apply God's ways to his life. David however was a different kind of a man. His ways did not always line up with God's ways, but he feared God. Here is a woman with understanding who valiantly went to David and offered him a repentance for her sins. While giving him her repentance she was able to give David light unto his own path and remind him of his God's ways. It was then that David became aware of what a mistake he was about to make and chose instead to fear God and do things God's way.

David continued to make mistakes ,but not every time . He feared God and wanted to apply God's ways to his life but for some reason the way to do this was not always clear to him.

What I find so interesting about David is the people God brought around him. When these people feared God and valiantly applied God's ways to their lives it brought light to David's path and his own repentance was then found.

Today is a day that I seek repentance. Without the light of God showing me that path , I will only be guessing at what repentance looks like. Sometimes following the Spirit feels like a guess , in fact many times . Yet I step out in faith and trust Him to show me if I am going the right way. I fear Him but I also trust Him. My trust is increased as I see the faithfulness of God in David's life to bring people like Abigal .

The Last Are First

2009-05-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Matt 20 :12 Saying, These last have wrought [but] one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day.

As the word of my testimony reveals an impartial God , I am becoming more and more appreciative of that characteristic. The more I try to relate correctly to people I see that He has all along been trying to show me the Way to do this. As I try to love with a love like His , I see it will not be mixed with what I want to keep in my flesh. If I want to love like He loves, I have to want to give up all my old ways of coping with life's problems. "All my" two little short words that represent a tip of an ice berg. "Want to " two more short words that I can assuredly say, "He will help me want to."

Fortunately for me , I want to follow the Spirit. So when I recognize that I am not following the Spirit I back up and start again. This backing up feels uncomfortable but I have learned I only have to back up as far as the point that I left off following the Spirit. Then I can go forward again. I can sometimes see hindrances to my following the Spirit and ask the Holy Spirit to help bring my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ. However, sometimes I do not wait.

You know , like I feel so proud of myself that I caught that trap before I fell into it , but then I walk right into it. Really reminds me of this scripture Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

The trap that the enemy had laid was a belief system that those who love me , depend on me.
I think the enemy likes it when I believe that about God. If I believe God is depending on me I then feel "important." Problem is , that is not the way God loves. His love can not be based on a "depend on " basis or it would not be the perfect unconditional love that it is. If I want others to be able to love me with a pure love , I can not force them to love me only if I am dependable. I have to let them love me, if they want to , with an unconditional love, they can still love me even if I mess up.

I was thinking about being obedient to God this morning when I saw with a new light how important my motivation for obedience was to God.

My reasoning for being obedient at one time was this idea that God knows what would be best for me. I guess I kind of thought God believed in karma. That if I did right , good would come around for me , so I should trust God to be my karma guide. That idea of course became over thrown when I really understood "grace."

Next my idea for obeying God has been based on a "He is depending upon me " kind of motivation. I saw that He was expecting me to bare fruit , so I guess I thought He was "depending on " that fruit to come forth. Now I see , that is not it either. He has been showing me in His word that all that He has is mine, but like the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son, I just hadn't seen it. Now He is showing me that it is not just for those who work diligently , or long , or without complaining . It is for those who are His sons. That is all, when they become sons doesn't have a bearing on how much they can have done. It is all His to give and it is all that He has, that He wants to give . He is not giving it on any wage scale or time table .

I come to Him and I say, "I'm Your son." He says, "I know , all that I have is yours."

Faith Grace or Grace Faith ?

2009-05-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

I found it very helpful to write out the testimony titled The Mind of Christ . Over the course of years I went from being a person unable to drive in any traffic to a person with the mind of Christ who will not say ,"no , I can't go any where ," based on traffic conditions.
My confidence that I could walk in the spirit and not follow my flesh became strengthened when I thankfully read Romans 8 verses one through 15 out loud to God several times. Romans 10:17 says , So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. This holds true for me. When I speak God's word , faith cometh.
I have discovered that my word of testimony blog is not what I had thought it would be.
I thought it would be a way of giving my word of testimony. Actually it is a helpful tool for putting my thoughts together . Just as one does not build a house without some thought , I need to put some thought into how I am to apply God's word to my life.
So I will continue to write out my word of testimony and then read it out loud also.

My word of testimony today is Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

As I read Hebrews 3 and 4 I find Paul is trying to get across the importance of faith. I staggered a long time not understanding grace. Now that I understand it I know that it is not obtainable without faith. What I have been struggling with of late has to do with being able to give grace to others. Yet it had not occurred to me what an impossible task I had set before myself if I were to try to give grace without faith. I can not place my faith in others but I can place my faith in a loving God Who resides on a throne of grace. May I learn to do as Paul and exhort those to whom I wish to give grace. May I live my life out loud in a way that let's them know I have found that throne of grace and He does give mercy and I have found grace to help in time of need.

When Running a Race You Don't Finish Still Counts

2009-05-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Rev 3: 8 I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

I put yesterday's word of testimony on draft and left it. I was looking at how I had not ever accomplished the task that seemed to be set before me today. The task actually includes the word denial , I thought that was interesting . The word of encouragement that came to me this morning was a reminder that the church in Philadelphia were commended for their little strength.

Yesterday I was aware that I had tried to do the task before me , before . Like being asked to run a marathon race and I had never completed the race. I had tried many times. In fact the task at hand does not just have one job description and many of those endeavors I had tried before but gave up or quit because it just seemed like all indications said quit.

Kind of like my facing the giant of fear that was on the freeway in traffic. I had gone out with my word from God ( it is spelled Bible) and tried to handle these problems the way I thought God would want me to. The end result did not seem to show forth much of His glory, I thought, until today. What I do today with a little strength just might bring big results later on. I have a little strength that God had given me to conquer big giants . I can not give up and I have to go out everyday determined to do all for the glory of God .

Just like when I read Rev 12:11 and I say, I will live by the blood of the lamb , and I will live by of the word my testimony , and I will learn to love not my life unto death. I can also say, He knows my works, He has set before me an open door and no man will shut it, I have a little strength and am keeping His word, and I will learn how to not deny His name.

2009-04-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Matt 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Yesterdays word of testimony motivated my thinking about a current anxiety that I have. The very action of writing out my testimony has brought the very fruit to me that I hoped it would do for others.

I will take this motivation to receive not only a word of testimony that will knock this giant of fear down but will also cut off it's head !
I am going to be honest with my readers here and tell you what the giant looks like. I am going to ask the readers to only comment with a personal word of testimony. That means using a scripture you personally applied to your life in a situation. Also I would ask you to be honest, did that victory cut off the giant's head or did it just knock him to the ground ?

I also am trying to be honest and tell you just where I think this giant is for me.

My daughter is at the age she must learn to drive and own her own car. I have put it off as long as I can . She is old enough to want her own dwelling and live by her own rules. She needs to find her own way in life.

The driving alone is a giant and the owning a car is a giant. The living on her own is a giant.
One day I think I have applied God's word to my life and I see her able to drive without having a wreak. Especially since there has been some people say they are willing to teach her. The owning the car giant, means that I can see her able to know what to do if it breaks down. Will she have good enough boundaries to stay in the car with the doors locked until someone arrives that she knows or a tow truck ? I look for signs of personal boundaries but I have never seen her in an emergency situation that I was not able to come and help her. Also the living alone giant looks similar . No one is able to resist the temptations of this world without God's strength.

I just realised all these worries have to do with how will she react and how will she do ? Here is where I will be when this giant is down. I will be able to confidently know that what ever she chooses to do with her life , I will love the LORD my God with all my heart , soul , mind and strength. When it comes to serving God and Him only I need to be in a me mentality , rather than what about her.

I am about to start an online study group Untangling Relationships by Robert McGee. He is the author of a Search for Significance. This Bible based study I hope will help me come to see the necessity of my letting go and motivate me to do so.

I feel like I need help. I think God created us with a willingness to help others and be helped. I know that desire to help has been strong within me and early on I realised that help that comes from my own strength does not help at all.

His Right Hand

2009-04-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Ps 118:16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.

I find that whenever I think that something is hard to do it must be that I am trying to do it in my strength and not the LORD's. So the answer is not to quit but to lay down the part that is not the LORD's and try again. The balance between law and grace must be that the law can be performed by grace. The law or commandments are prioritized by Jesus making all the other laws easy to perform. If He had not prioritized them for me I might have taken another attitude towards them. Like this :#1 . That one's hard I'll come back to that one later. #2. Let me see, can I do that one ? Where is that one about stealing ? Maybe if I at least do that one maybe I'll get credit for one out of ten.

However, the laws were prioritized , even condensed down to two , and joyfully (after a sorrowful desire for repentance ) I can receive His grace to live the law. Not me by myself but with Jesus' indwelling power from the HOLY SPIRIT that I receive as grace.

The Mind of Christ

2009-04-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is 1 Cr 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

More than a year ago I felt led to go to some one's house and just be friendly. The problem was that she lived on the other side of the river . Although long ago God had provided the residents of this great state that I live in the ability to build bridges that cross the river safely I was fearful of the traffic and fearful of the way the road made a curve at a decline.

So I ignored that unction from the Holy Spirit , then that same person called me and asked me to come to her house and help her , please." Ask someone else ", I said that day feeling that I had already been excused from going to her house because of my fear.

In the mean time , for about two years prior I had a very specific kind of prayer request. I had been very specifically asking for a house to clean that would pay a certain amount and be acceptable to my cleaning it on Mondays. I've been cleaning houses for 28 almost 29 years , I can tell you 75% of the people do not want their houses cleaned on a Monday. I have always put my lowest paying houses on Monday . But I wanted a high paying house on Monday and I knew that I had a special financial situation coming up so this was how I thought God might want to take care of it.

You probably already know what He did . The call for the house cleaning job came and sure enough , now I had to go across the river every Monday.

I went but the anxiety of doing it was more than I can explain. Just realize on Friday I started dreading Monday. However, I was a believer in living the word of my testimony back then . I knew that if I did not give up. If every Monday I drove down that freeway in morning traffic with His word in my heart one day I would do it without fear. I asked people to pray for me. I asked my pastor to pray for me . I was honest about my need. I began to find it easier to do. I stopped dreading Monday on Friday , first it was Saturday, then Sunday. Then Sunday night . At the worst part of the journey , I would pray out loud . One day as I was approaching the curve the Holy Spirit dropped into my mind , "I will keep at perfect peace ,whose mind is stayed on Me." I began praying that my mind would be stayed on Him. I had my word of testimony to live now and I stopped dreading Monday's and started praying that my mind would be stayed on Him.

Then things worked out so I could have a helper and I asked her to drive. A Christian friend and one who I'd shared my story with. Although I had overcome the fear , it was still there , so I felt that asking her to drive was okay. So she and I began to pray on our way to work. We were already prayer partners and we trust the HOLY SPIRIT to lead us as we pray. We've prayed for missionaries in Tibet to helping a child pass a spelling test. One time we were praying just as we were about to enter that curve and she prayed specifically about my fear . I can not remember her exact words but as she prayed I had a flash back of a child hood incident that had taken place in the car , in a sharp curve and decline and knew at that moment this is when that fear had been placed in my heart. Suddenly I saw that through my child hood understanding the curve , the decline held something to be dreaded for me. But as an adult I now saw these two things through adult eyes. The words ,"You are going to make me have a wreak ! " had been spoken to me , and like I had tried to explain to my friends all along , this had been my fear on the decline , that I would make someone have a wreak. Their comforting advice had always been, take it slow , just use wisdom. My response would be," you don't see, I am afraid if I go to slow on the freeway I will cause a wreak." This also was a sentence I had taken into my heart as truth by my driving instructor when learning how to drive.

This story is a classic example of how the word of testimony worked in my life . I feel it was very close to the story of David and Goliath. First David had a stone that knocked the giant down and then he took a sword and cut off the giants head.

Now plainly I see that the boldness that David had was not there in me at first , but slowly I began to trust that the Spirit of the LORD was upon me. Even believing that the Spirit of the LORD was upon me when I and my friend were praying together on the way to work that day. I want you to know even the cutting off the giants head with the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God did not happen just that quickly. I thought again and again about that flash back and asked the HOLY SPIRIT to process it in my mind. Slowly the strength from the HOLY SPIRIT has increased to the place it is today.

"The LORD will keep at perfect peace whose mind is stayed on HIM . " I also pray that I will have the mind of Christ and I believe with all my heart with the mind of Christ while driving down that curve and decline I will not go to slow and cause a wreak.

Even the best parents say things in a moment of fear and they do not know what impact it will have on their child. I have been thinking about how to teach children and babes in Christ about spiritual warfare . I can tell you from experience they do not need to hear , " I got a headache . It's spiritual warfare." If I feel I need to explain my headache as spiritual warfare I hope I will say something like this. "The enemy does not want me to think on God's word and so he is trying to distract me with this headache. However, I am learning how to think on God's word even when I have a headache , I am sure he will give up soon. " As I wrote that out I realised that I have become ready to accept the stone that knocks the giant to the ground . How about the sword of the Spirit ? Would that sound like ? " I have the mind of Christ, I will not be stopped by anything , if God wants me to do it, I will be there. " I wonder if I will remember that sometimes it takes a friend's prayer and a child hood flash back to accomplish what is hard for me to do ?

The God Who Smokes

2009-04-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is a trust in His word that He will reveal Himself as a just God.
Rev 15:3 And they sing the song of Moses the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, Great and marvellous [are] thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true [are] thy ways, thou King of saints.

I am so glad that I do not expect God to be like a Jack in the Box. I say a prayer and He jumps up to do my bidding. No, He is a God Who smokes. He is a just God and merciful . Wow, if He wasn't would I be in trouble. Still there are times when it does not seem clear what His way will be. That is why I can trust Him , His way will be just and true.

I began feeling more comfortable saying, "He is a God Who smokes," after I read a book by that very title, written by Tim Stoner. I had known for a long time that God is a just God but not many teachings help put that perspective in with He is forgiving and merciful. The fact that we are to become like Him sometimes is taught but usually the forgiveness and merciful part is taught separate from we are to be just in all our ways.

Now Tim did an excellent job of describing the God Who is both and I think just by looking at this God and know He is both will be all the help I need.

A Different Kind of Yoke

2009-04-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today: Matt 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

The breaking of yokes can be painful at times. Sometimes one yoke has to be broke so that this yoke Jesus is talking about can be there. When I made my first break, ( did I say I made the break ?) the truth came flooding in like sunshine through a crack in the wall of a very deep dark dungeon. What I began to understand was that my being in the deep dark dungeon was not the place God wanted for me. What I understood was that because He had given me a little light , He wanted that light to shine.

For every bit of greater light to come to me I have had to be willing to let a yoke be broke. There just seems to areas that I have to try it first myself. Probably because the willingness to have the yoke broke comes from the Holy Spirit but then instead of waiting now for the Holy Spirit to lead me on, I begin my own yoke breaking ceremony. There seems to be a place some where between I will do it for You LORD and I surrender all , and then do something, that is kind of hard to find. I suppose if it was easy I would not appreciate the HOLY Spirit as much as I do. What I really appreciate is God's gracious patience with me as these yokes are really small gods that I don't want there but be there they are. If I have a yoke on it is kind of what guides me around. The opinion of others or the opinions I have formed based on what others have told me can be yokes. The truth is that Jesus wants to be my only yoke.

This can be hard to let happen . For one thing there is the fearful thought that says , "what if I let my old opinion go and the new real truth is so different no one will like me ?" Having had a few yokes broken and found out that it is worth not being liked that is not such a big deal anymore to me. I want to remain aware of the difficulty I have had through the years of the breaking of yokes so that I can empathize with others. It is no easy thing to be ready to say, "Okay, God tell me , what did You really mean when You said _____________ (put any verse in the Bible here.) "

Another part of the yoke breaking requires that you really take a good look at the yoke. This is where I am now. I guess for there to be a true repentance one has to make a confession of the sin first. I guess in order to be able to confess my sin I have to take a good look at what this yoke really is. Also why is it there instead of the yoke Jesus has always wanted to put on me.

The most beautiful picture this morning is Jesus pouring out His mercy and grace upon me.

He's standing there waiting for me to let HIM break my old yoke and receive His.

Those Little Things

2009-04-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

By the word of my testimony today is Luke 19:17 And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities.

The very desire to be faithful is a gift that has been given to me. I have a choice everyday to use the gifts the Holy Spirit has given me , or not.
One thing I've noticed about the Holy Spirit is that He leads a group of people to do the same thing. That has given me a feeling of not being important which is from the thought that the enemy has been trying to plant saying, "why bother if He has got the job already taken care of by someone else."
I will have to agree with my adversary and say, "Yes, indeed it looks like the LORD has many operating in the same field that I am in." However, it is written that JESUS said about the servant who hid his talent in the ground," And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. " Matt. 25:30
I agree that I should not obey God so that I can feel important. I know that my love for Him must grow more so that I can obey Him out of the love I have for Him in my heart.
I am so glad that He takes the time to come and walk with me in my garden.
The little thing He asked me to do, I humbly receive His gift to do so. May God bless me with His uplifted countenance , may I never stop again.

All That I Have Is Yours

2009-04-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

The Word of my testimony today:
Luke 15:31 And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.

Living my word of testimony today looks like this. First of all and foremost I want to live my word of testimony. Do you remember the story of the man who wanted to change the world for the better ? Then he decided that was to big a task so he wanted to change his country. Finally the story goes on he decides he will try to change his wife . As he is just about to leave this earth he realizes his efforts have been in vain , and they would have been better spent if he would of tried to change himself.

Being the God believing person that I am , I know that except the LORD builds the house we labor in vain. So then I do not try to change myself , by myself . I look to the LORD to build this house , or re-build as it sometimes feels . My hope is to stay with the present day re-building in my own life and not try to change others. I believe if I continue to live my word of testimony it will change me. There are people who believe that what I need is more information. What I believe I need is more friends who are living their own word of testimony. Like I said earlier , iron sharpeneth iron , so their attempts in inform me , just increases my resolve to live my word of testimony , out loud.

"All that I have is thine, " the father said to the brother of the prodigal son. The hard working one that stayed home and worked in the field.

Sometimes I fail to see the forest for the trees , as they say. I was asking the LORD for help and asking Him if He could help me. Silly me because God can do anything , however He graciously did not reprimand me for asking. He simply said, "all that I have is thine."

Everytime I read the story about the prodigal son I long for there to be another elder brother in the story. One who worked in the field and was glad with the father that the prodigal son came home. One that enjoyed all the benefits of living with the father and did not feel one bit deprived of a good life.

I am very thankful today for the benefits of living in my Father's house. I know that He was very wise to send His Son to earth to live for thirty three and half years so that I would know what living like His Son would look like. I am also thankful that Jesus did not cut off Himself from us when He left this earth but continues to be around . Just like I want to be an example of living my word of testimony , Jesus is my example of living His Word of testimony.

How He lived with "all that the Father had was His" was shown everyday He lived here. He was not greedy and He was not prideful. He was not insisting that everyone know who He was and He did not get terribly upset if He wasn't talked to like the person that He was. He helped those whom the Father showed Him were His and went around doing the work the Father showed Him to do , without complaining. He got tired and He got thirsty. He also got hungry but He always slept, drank and ate when and where He was suppose to. He didn't insist that every lunch be at the best place in town and He did it all for the joy set before Him.

Our joy is in the salvation He has given us. His joy was in giving it. When I talk about stuff instead of living it I am often mis-understood. Sometimes I think I talk more about where I am going to go than talking about where I am and where I have been. True it is good to know where I am going and how I plan to get there but how many steps am I actually taking towards my destination ?

Writing out my word of testimony helps me to take a look at the map . However, I want to do more than just look at the map today. One big problem has been resolved. Having enough resources , strength, wisdom , love, power whatever is needed for this day's activities being at work in my father's field . I don't have to worry about will I have enough , or can I use it ?
Because all that He has is mine.

Amram and Jochebed's Story

2009-04-20T05:55:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Hebrews 11:23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king's command.

Following the Spirit can sometimes take me places that I've never been before. Sometimes I feel as though I have been down this road before . Attempting to raise my children without fear for instance. That situation comes up over and over . So every time I am aware there is about to be a change , I look to God for help. The less fear, the more of His love can operate through me so I have a motivation to live by faith. I think I would just tolerate the fear if I was not aware of how important it is for them to be free to enjoy being loved by God and not just me.

The words of my mother came to me today. "You can learn from my mistakes," she said. I thank her for that permission and I can see that fear was a spiritual force that literally kept me in an emotional prison .

I can only walk out of that prison with God's help, and I hope to glorify Him when I tell you He has been helping me . Whenever I have called upon Him for help He has heard me and helped.

One time that comes to my mind is when my grand-daughter was quite small. The enemy had planted thoughts in someone who began acting on them believing they were doing the right thing. I wasn't sure what was right but I knew that God ultimately did. So I called out to Him for help and He gave me an idea for a visual aid to comfort me. I took a picture of my grand-daughter and placed it inside of a paper basket woven together with paper strips. Before I wove it together I wrote on the paper strips Bible verses that held promises for me , concerning God's will to be done. Since the actions fell through that this person had purposed to do I can gratefully acknowledge God's will was done. I had peace as I trusted that He would protect her and that He would help her through this attempt to destroy her happiness.

Later I suppose I thought what I did was very child like however to do something similar to that may help me again. I believe every portion of the written Word is important . The three months of hiding Moses without fear gives me hope that I to can do as I am told to do for my children and not fear. Surely Amram and Jochebed loved not their lives even unto death. They obeyed God in faith , thus God's spirit of love was not quenched and He was able to do miraculous things.

What This War Is About

2009-04-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

Since I have begun sharing my word of testimony, many new "Christian" people have come into my life. They want to help me. Enlighten me. To be more correct they want the Holy Spirit through His word to enlighten me.

That is not a bad goal.

However, I wonder why they are spending their time and money on that , for me.

This is why community is so important. The very things that I notice in my friends are the very things the Holy Spirit was wanting me to look at in my own life. Some where it is written, "iron sharpeneth iron." Without these friends where would I be ? I can tell you. I would have a very dull sword of the Spirit.

I realised about two years ago I needed sharpening when I joined this Tuesday night group .
Their love for God is sincere but the way they believe that they should apply God's word to their lives , is not the same way that I believe always.

However, they had one point really right on. I will be for ever grateful for this one truth that this group has helped me grasp. God loves me and thinks of me as a valuable person. My being a woman does not make me a second class citizen. My past does not make me a second class citizen. My present day mistakes does not make me a second class citizen. My past , present and future is seen by God and He has already decided, He loves me and He will not quit. This group is awesome . Mainly because I have never found anyone else who was willing to sacrifice their time to make sure that I , and women like me really get this truth. The majority of do gooders just want to help you enough to get salvation and maybe a little more, the Holy Spirit. But when it comes to who we are in Christ Jesus , they have abandoned me. So I praise God for the steadfast Tuesday night group.

And the other things they believe , have been iron sharpeneth iron to me. Such a benefit that I also am so grateful for. Now I have some "new friends . " I can only take a deep breath and think, "here I go again. "

Mean while I have become very war conscious. The only hope that the enemy has of winning is that I would believe his lie. The enemy actually is helpful for the iron sharpeneth iron principle too. He lies and I come back with the truth. Every time my sword becomes sharper and sharper.

I also want to join in with my friends who are at war. Their desire to pick up their sword of Truth and come back at the enemies lies , puts them in the ranks of "my real friends."
I want to be really helpful. I don't want to be an iron sharpeneth iron to them. They have enough of that going on already. However, I really can never be sure for what purpose God has me in their lives , so I have to live by faith.

I think it would be helpful if I could remind them , and myself what the big picture looks like.
God so loved the world that He gave His Son, and the enemy is trying to convince us that it is not true. But it is true and nothing will change that.

Because of my new friends , I am able to see that my old friends do not need enlightenment.
They need strength. They need power. They need wisdom. They need love.
I must stand with them and agree with them as they strike out at the enemies lies with their sword of Truth. "Yes, God has not given you a spirit of fear." "Yes, He has given you a spirit of love , power and a sound mind. "

The good that I reap from my friends is that it is not wrong to hope for a miracle. I think it is wrong to say, "and the miracle will look like this and this. " However, that is good iron sharpening material. The truth is that the spirit of love, power and a sound mind is a miracle. I may not know what it will look like coming through me until I need it , but when it does come through surely all will know this came from His spirit , not mine.

For too long I have been trying to help my friends at the wrong end of the sword. My efforts to help them become enlightened has probably only been iron sharpening material for them.

I now believe for a miracle. Love is all those things 1Cr. 13 says it is, but it is not produced by me. If indeed His love comes through me it will be a miracle and it will help more than anything else I could do.

The word of my testimony today: Rev 12: 11
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

"Yes, they did !"

Living in the Kingdom

2009-04-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today: Ps 144:1 [[[A Psalm] of David.]] Blessed [be] the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, [and] my fingers to fight:

Praise and blessing and honor unto the Lord who teaches me His ways.
I was taught that spiritual warfare existed along the same time I was taught that God was real and that I should ask Jesus to come into my heart. Basically when anyone had a headache at church it was explained as "spiritual warfare." Bigger problems also, "spiritual warfare." I learned in a song, "I'm in the LORD's army, yes sir ! I'm in the LORD's army. "

How blessed am I to finally learn that being in LORD's army is actually all I need to do to be on the winning side. When He is teaching my hands to war , He is teaching my hands to bless and not curse. When I am asking Him into my heart I am asking for His word to dwell in me. When I am asking Him for strength it is not so that I can defeat the enemy. It is so I can stand , while I wait on Him to show His victory the way He chooses to do so.

It takes a lot of strength to stand but God is not opposed to my asking for strength. He is not going to deny my request either . He has already provided rest and strength for me, may my eyes be opened to see it.

Blessed Be The LORD

2009-04-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own perspective when they read the Bible.

My own perspective has changed through out the years.

I can think of times when I thought of the Bible as a treasure hunt. Not for truth but what can I get ? Like stuff. I needed stuff.

When I decided all the stuff I could get wasn't really what I wanted , I decided a new me would be good. I had never really liked "me" so I worked on a new me.

I became discouraged with that over the years. Mainly because I had decided the way to become a new me was "to be transformed by the renewing of my mind." When I became aware of the entire verse and the entire context I realised why I had become discouraged. However, all things do work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose and love Him .

My perspective now is , relationship. What is it saying about relationship ? How does this help me understand the kind of relationship Jesus wants to have with me ?

It's about a 98 degree angle turn from where I was when I started. Even though every place I've been, has taught me invaluable lessons. Perhaps every perspective did teach me a little bit about relationship.

Now I realise a relationship with Jesus means , it's all about HIM. Now He is all about loving me so it is not a bad deal. I had a human relationship once where I made the guy my god. It was all about him but it was the pits because this guy did not love me. Now I realise how fortunate I am that he was such a bum and treated me so bad. If he would of been loving me like Christ loves the church , there I'd be , still idolizing a man instead of serving the true and living God.

When I thank God for the things I attribute have come from Him , I could actually be more focused on the stuff than upon Him . I just realised today that the best way to respond to God would be to say " blessed be " .

Over and over in the Bible people proclaim how thankful they are for the things they attribute that God has done by saying "blessed be."

In the story of Ruth and Naomi , Ruth 4:14 And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed [be] the LORD, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel.

In the story of Abigal and David, 1 Sam 25:32 And David said to Abigail, Blessed [be] the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: 1 Sam 25:39 And when David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, Blessed [be] the LORD, that hath pleaded the cause of my reproach from the hand of Nabal, and hath kept his servant from evil: for the LORD hath returned the wickedness of Nabal upon his own head. And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife.

I could keep going but I got the idea . There is being thankful , and then there is being thankful and attributing what the LORD has done.

My word of testimony today is may my thanksgiving come out of my mouth as the women who spoke to Naomi and so many others who knew how to relate to God.

my reference for today was found in blueletterbible.org when I put the words blessed be the LORD in the search .

He Is Everything To Me

2009-04-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony for today Ps 18:28 For You cause my lamp to be lighted and it to shine, the Lord my God illumines my darkness.

Luke 10:42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Knowing that the LORD values choices has been a strengthening to my relationship with Him.
If I were to rely on my feelings I would be persuaded that He was not around. Not illumining my darkness. Not helping to keep oil in my lamp.

However feelings are the result of the thoughts that produce the choices I make.

So I have to ignore my feelings and go for the truth. My choice to serve Him and serve Him only will be honored. My choice to sit at His feet and hear His word will be honored.

My life is complete , while I wait at His feet , Sweet Jesus , wonderful LORD

The Annointing

2009-04-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

Another title could be "Oil".

I have always been fascinated with the Jewish customs . The LORD was trying to tell us about His love for us through them. Visual aids as it were . Jesus also enjoyed uncovering the truth about these symbols , I think. My picture of Jesus standing and declaring "He was the light !" at a Jewish festival is one of an artist taking the veil (or cover) off of His beautiful masterpiece for everyone to see.

That is why I think He enjoys revealing truth to me. When I share that truth , I hope it is as if I handing around His masterpiece. "Look, " I am saying, "Look at what the LORD has done !" Maybe when it is at first handed to you , you don't see. Maybe it looks like one of those normal paintings you see down at the library by a local artist . Hopefully as we are talking about the painting together , you will begin to see, what great detail , what splendid ideas , the LORD has created , all for the purpose that we might know Him.

My word of testimony today : Matt 25:4 But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

In this parable it seems the purpose is not so much that we would know Him but that we would be ready for His coming.

I want to be ready. I would be so sad if after all this time I spent working on every other preparation for His arrival , I lacked oil.
I fear such a thing is possible . I must be wise.

I will tell you what I think oil is and how I try to not take from another , their oil.

This is an exhortation to me , to be a doer of the word as I understand how the LORD wants it done. As you read this exhortation believe with me , that from this day forward , I will do this.

When I go to gatherings of believers I go , following the Spirit. I go ready to be a doer of the word. Eph 5:19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; also Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

I believe that when I am a doer of the word I am bringing as it were , "oil" to that group.

My oil is not for sale. I certainly do not want to give my oil away either. I am bringing my own oil to use for my own benefit, that I might teach and admonish others who can equally admonish and teach as well. Other wise my lamp is going to go dry , the light is going to go out , and I am going to be hard pressed to get it lite again.

I've asked permission to give a ten to fifteen minute talk about worship Tuesday night. If these women are truly interested in having their lamps filled with oil , I hope permission will be granted. If they are not really wanting to have oil in their own lamps but to just continually ask of others to give them oil , then I hope the Spirit will warn me. I think it is time I start taking stock of my own supply and be wise.

One more text for today. I think a few days back I talked about how the spirit was warning me to not be as Aarons sons who had found strange fire to light the lamp. I remember saying at the time I had not fully read this story but the point that day I felt was , when I am worshipping the LORD to be led by the Spirit .

Here is an interesting addition to this story. The light was never suppose to go out. The oil was suppose to be continually be added to the lamp as needed so it would never go out. Look at these verses.
Exodus 27:20-21 "And you shall command the children of Israel that they bring you pure oil of pressed olives for the light, to cause the lamp to burn continually. In the tabernacle of meeting, outside the veil which is before the Testimony, Aaron and his sons shall tend it from evening until morning before the LORD. It shall be a statute forever to their generations on behalf of the children of Israel.

The Word

2009-04-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

I give this word of testimony because it is written in Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

I figure it is never to early to start practicing what the saints in Revelation 12 did.

Practice is a good word because essentially that is what I am doing. Even though some days by my own estimation it hasn't been a particularly fruitful day, still I am practicing for the next day. Each day I will get better at giving this word of testimony.

So what makes a good harvest day ?

Now I have two really good stories that I could tell you about yesterday. Each one was a result of my applying God's word to my life. These would be the kind of stories one would expect to hear if I were to title this blog , Praise Reports.

Because my word of testimony for today is basically a seed work , I can't imagine that people are really to interested in reading this blog. My hope is , not to have followers that read this blog daily but to be an inspiration for the reader to somehow find a way to give their own word of testimony that day. I know that if they do it one day , it will be like planting a seed . On the day they find the fruit from that seed they will become more than anxious to start planting seeds daily. Life has become so exciting for me , I have a really hard time being quiet. I want to give praise reports constantly but I have to wait for the Holy Spirits leading .

It does not please the Holy Spirit for me to just spread out the harvest for people to see. To See would be the key words here. The Holy Spirit and The Word were together in my life when I planted the seed. When I give a praise report, it can be a word of testimony if these two main ingredients are in it. Then it is not a praise report for people to see. It is me sharing the bread from the harvest of the seeds The Holy Spirit and The Word once gave me.

The WORD that I use for my word of testimony comes sometimes just like the seed a farmer would gather from his harvest. The Word is often a fruit from a time planted long ago.

If you are still with me , here is my word of testimony for today. Ps 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered [them] from their destructions.

How I plan to apply this word to my life is : 1. Believe that He has sent His word. 2. Receive that word that He has sent and be healed. 3. Expect deliverance from my destructions.

Doing Truth Part two

2009-04-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony today is Gal 2:19-20 “For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

As noticed in my last word's of testimony my desire to do truth comes because I realize I need light. If I want to be a vessel that light shines through then I must attend to the light. When ever I feel as though a change is coming I want to be sure I remain faithful in the little things. As I began taking inventory of some of the little things , my attention was drawn to an exercise that I have a problem doing. First of all I have a problem remembering that I am to do it. Then second a problem doing it without feeling detached from what I am doing.

This little thing that I am to faithful in doing should be done before I eat every meal. How blessed I am that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If there were condemnation I am sure I would feel compelled to offer my before the meal prayer , detached or not and then go on. Just to avoid the condemnation.

Yet I am convicted of my neglect to ask for our Father's blessing on the food and so I am trying to do better . God uses food so often in His Word that I feel to get this right is important to Him.

Luke 24:28-32 Then they drew near to the village where they were going, and He indicated that He would have gone farther. But they constrained Him, saying, "Abide with us, for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent." And He went in to stay with them. Now it came to pass, as He sat at the table with them, that He took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they knew Him; and He vanished from their sight. And they said to one another, "Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?"

The reason I picked out Gal 2:19-20 to be my word of testimony is because I want a word that will help me go from doing a right thing like keeping the law , into doing the right thing by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Back to what I was saying about being detached. It seems to me that my training as a child , to say "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food. Amen" trained me that detachment was fine. Just say these words , then eat.

The book Hiding From Love says this about detachment as a hiding style. This is a relational style used when hiding from attachment.
Defensive Behavior - Deep feelings of not belonging and of near total relational isolation.
Recommended Steps - Seek people who will accept detached style and help us develop intimacy.

As I live by faith in the Son of God's love for me , I will trust Him to do the rest. I will also be open to what He will do by not isolating myself .

Doing Truth ?

2009-04-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony for today John 3 : 21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

Actually I began my morning marveling at the joy I have. What came to my mind was the story of the man who sold everything to buy a field that had a treasure in it. It is as though preparing to give all that I have is bringing a great joy . You must know that I am in a process of learning how to give all to the Lord. The picture I have is taking all the stuff I thought I would carry into the kingdom, my children, my health , anything that could be considered "a care of this world" and giving it to Jesus.

I notice that I am not saying that I will just automatically know how to do this. I am expecting God to teach me. Whatever little bit of truth I can do, is going to bring me to a brighter light.
That is why I boldly write out my word of testimony everyday. It is a truth I do.
It may be that someday you will find I have stopped writing it out in a blog . I hope the reason will be that I have found a large enough community that I can share my word of testimony orally instead of written.

I see this community beginning to form and I think that the pastors of the churches these people attend would be like John who said in 3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Takeing Heed

2009-04-03T05:26:00.000-07:00

The word of my testimony today is Luke 11: 31-34 "No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light."

Sometimes the thought comes to me , how do you know that the Holy Spirit is leading you to your word of testimony each day? My answer to the thought is "I don't know, but I live by faith, that when I ask for bread that I will not be given a stone." Today's word is a somewhat different approach to the word of testimony I had a few days ago to plowing up my fallow ground. (See The Haunt of Jackals )

When I start seeing connections between words it is kind of like seeing a mile marker on the road I hoped I was on.

Again in the New Testament part of the Bible Jesus is saying to the people listening , "you are hearing my words but are you applying them ?"

I think He is also saying , "are you really understanding what I am saying ?" Maybe He is saying , "look within yourself, do you see a light ?" Maybe He is saying ,"if you see light, what are you doing with it ?" These are questions I think He is addressing to me. This is my word of testimony.

Earlier I was thinking about Paul and his first encounter with Jesus. What took Paul a matter of three days , I wonder if it isn't likened unto what has taken me 21 years.

A few weeks ago I was sick . When I asked God for wisdom concerning attending church that Sunday the thought came to me that I should ask my pastor to pray for me before the service. Ask him to anoint me with oil .

I went thinking that God would help me do this simple task but I chickened out. Now my pastor is so full of the love of God I know he would of gladly responded to my request. I couldn't bring myself to ask him to break his usual routine for me. So I started coughing towards the end of the praise time and felt I should leave.

So if Jesus had told me to do the things He told Paul to do after meeting him on the road, would I do them ? Now getting healed will get my attention.

Do I have to be sick in order for Him to get my attention ? I think not. However, I think the right response is not just a piece of cake. I think repentance requires understanding and I think understanding comes from a desire for truth.

Someone said once, "how much does it cost to follow Jesus ?" The answer to the question is : "Everything."

Grace Unto You

2009-04-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

My word of testimony for today is Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men,

When one sheep hears His voice I think all the sheep in the flock hear.

I tell you joyfully that people around me seemed to make an effort to express God's grace to me yesterday.

What a blessing to find that the very thing I had set my heart to do for them, they did for me.

One young man made a point to encourage me in my hope that my son would be awakened one day by God's love. He gave his own testimony and assured me it was something God had done on His own . He hinted that God might not need my help, which I am all to glad to agree with.

I think the help I want to give in form of instruction should somehow , just be lived, out loud .
Not by a lot of verse and knowledge but by an expression of love and grace.

This love and grace can not be worked up by me. This love and grace that I can give comes from my practicing a receiving of this love and grace from our Father.

Rather than say to God, "help me be like the father in the story of the prodigal son." I say, "help me be like the son who could receive all that the father wanted to do for him , even though he had done nothing to deserve it. Except of course , admit he was his son. "

Shapen Me

2009-04-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

Ps 51:18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

Today's word of testimony continues the thread of thought from yesterday.
Yesterday I was aware of areas of my life that I just ignore. I tell the LORD that I want to love more. When I become angry about circumstances or the people involved in creating the circumstances , I tell the LORD I want to quit being like that.
Yet when He tells me acknowledge your sins ,receive my grace, have I been listening ?

What helps me most to confess my sin is some one around who agrees with God's word and says, "yes, you are forgiven. "
That helps , especially if they have been in that place of realizing their need for forgiveness . The reason that I think it helps is because of the grace that is given to one in their need.
I can read of God's forgiveness in His word and believe it , but grace is an experience. I think that is where our need for each other comes in . As I hear a friend acknowledge a sin to me the best thing I can do is say, "I believe you are forgiven." Then I ask Jesus to express His grace through me.

Grace is undeserved favor. That means I am able to treat them as though they have never sinned. This helps them to continue confessing and receiving grace. A process is begun that in time creates a plowed ground that the seed of God's word can be planted , watered and grow.

Each of us are an important part of the body of Christ. As a stone wall is built each stone is shapened to fit where it belongs. We all are here by the grace of God. None of us would be in this process of being shapened except by the righteousness given us from Jesus Christ our LORD.

All of Ps 51 is my word of testimony today. It begins with be gracious to me Oh God, according to thy loving kindness .
The whole Psalm is an expression of my heart today. Even though I can not even give a good clear confession of my sin I know that it has something to do with anger. Anger has something to do with wanting to be in control . Being in control has something to do with pride.

As I repeat Ps 51:18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. today I will believe that He is gracious . I will believe that He will do good unto me as well as the whole body of Christ.